Shenanigans

Posted on Mon May 15th, 2023 @ 8:04am by Lieutenant Commander Melor Pallara (Stoffels) & 1st Lieutenant Kayleigh London

Mission: Shoreleave
Location: Pub Crawl
Timeline: Backpost

It was about 17:00 when the shuttle landed in Kas unbuckled himself from his seat and turned to the passengers. "I will be taking off in thirty six hours, with anyone who cares to join us."

CJ grinned at Webber, "let's drop our bags at the Inn and we'll begin the pub crawl!"

"Sure thing CJ"

"I am in." Melor said. He gave Kas a look that said he had better look after Kay while they were on the ground.

"I'm game," Rick replied, "Should we even bother to check in at the inn if we're gonna be crawling through pubs the entire time we're here?"

"Because we should have the keys to where we belong," Nolan said thoughtfully, realized he broke his party boy exterior. "So they know where to dump ya rumps boooooooooois"

"It makes sense to drop our bags at least." Melor said. "It can only be a hinderance or get lost when we get too drunk to notice." Not that he had any plans to get that drunk himself.

Our interprid group hustled to their destination. The inn looked like it was inhabited by fleas and miscreants. The stench coming from it, akin to the finest vomit and spray deodorizer that smelled of fake citrus. They would likely catch some sort of skin parasite from the linens here.

Rick looked around the lobby dubiously. Surely they could have a afforded a slightly nicer place to stay? Should he happen to meet a lady he certainly would not bring her back here.

"Alright broskis," Nolan's eyes wide in the lobby, bushing off a large bug his sandal clad foot. stay cool broh, stay cool.

Melor shook his head. This was unacceptable, he wanted a word with whomever had booked this shithole.

"Looks like ol' Wagnor picked it," Nolan muttered.

"Yup," CJ said. He normally leaves things like this to Lt. Rinne but she was dealing with a family thing. In his defense; he definitely would stay here. He probably figures were all just going to get drunk crash and then run for the shuttle tomorrow anyway."

"Utilitarian," Nolan said to himself before resuming his regular demeanor. He wasn't going to let it ruin his time. He reached into his rucksack and pulled out a small flask. "Let's get this party started BROS! A little pre-game gentleman?"

"No one I swear if I have to carry you back to your room you'll be doing brig maintenance for a month." CJ said with a wicked smile.

"I already do all brig maintenance, buuuuuuuddy."

"I'll replace your sonic tools with toothbrushes," CJ quipped.

"If you think for a sec I won't use your toothbrush for the toilets BOOOOOOI! Let's ga-goooo! Party waits for no one!"

"Are we going to go for this dump?" Melor asked. "I am happy to pay for something better for all of us." He did not mind slumming it on duty, but off duty the half Klingon liked his comforts.

"If you pay half, I can pay the other half," Rick added. "This place is a total shit hole."

"Thank you." Melor said. "But I think I make a lot more than you do. Let this be my treat." Besides his family had plenty of money. "You can all buy me a round." He grinned.

"I'll take care of Daniel an' me." CJ smiled. "I'll work something out with Aalis we'll have to make damn sure Soran is to busy to take of leave arrangements ever again."

"Is that possible?" Daniel asked.

"Daniel, I have to show I'll have to teach you the wiles of the enlisted." He winked and CJ winked and flashed his boyish smile.

"I think we'll be fine," Rick commented, "I mean, does So... I mean, Commander Wagnor really care about where we're staying on shore leave? You'd think that'd be the least of his problems."

"Good idea not to let him do this anymore." Melor agreed. "He sucks at it. That boy has no sense of what a good hotel is. Maybe that is something Tony can teach him."

"Don't hold your breath. CJ laughed He checked his PADD. "Looks like there's a better selection of accommodations up the street."

"We can spend all night looking for a crash pad or party, we better hop to it buddies!"

"Let me take care of it." Melor offered. "Just tell me where to find you guys afterwards."

Nolan whispered something to CJ that resulted in the ensign getting a slap upside his head with a resounding, "No 'Bro' we're not going there. We'll be at this pub on the corner."

"I'm skipping this fleabag hotel," Rick stated flatly, "On to the pub!"

"Hand me any baggage you want to get rid off and I will join you within the hour." Melor stated.

Nolan shrugged. "It's a backpack, where ever my liver fails, I can sleep."

CJ handed his duffle bag over, "thanks man."

Daniel shyly handed his suitcase to the Klingon.

Melor took the luggage smiling at the others. "Be with you soon. Go and enjoy yourselves and behave until I get there."

--The first pub of the njght--

The place was packed with locals and a humanoid played a piano type instrument on a stage. The lights dimmed to bar level, and a haze of alcohol and high spirits filled the air to greet the ensigns. Nolan rushed up to the bar and ordered something on fire for everyone.

"To my BOOOOOOYS" He hooted before proudly drinking the flaming beverage.

"Is he going to set himself on fire?" Daniel whispered to CJ.

"If he does I'm beaming him back to the ship and you and I will still have plenty of fun good buddy." CJ laughed flagging down the bartender and ordered them drinks. "What's your poison Rick?

"Pan-Galactic-Gargle-Blasters," Rick managed to pronounce. "They're the best but they have to be made right," he warned.

"I didn't realize you were a man of taste," CJ laughed ordered his friend's drink.

"You have a lot to learn about be kiddo," Rick replied smiling slyly.

"AND THEN I SAID, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO CATCH ME FIRST!" Nolan shouted. "AND I WAS COMPLETELY STARK NUDE BOYS!"

"Completely nude? Really?" Rick asked in a jovial manner.

"Coated in oil too! We wanted to go down this Tellurian slide and I flew over the side!"

"That explains his rap sheet," Weber said under his breath.

“Splains a lot more than that,” Rick added.

"You're right as usual but be nice Daniel," CJ winked.

CJ slammed back his drink and asked for another.

Nolan stage whispered something to the bartender and to which, the bartender gave a big smile and nodded. A few moments later, he gifted Nolan a tray with an rainbow of colorful shot glasses. "Here we go boys, Orellian fizz shots. It'll taste like your first time flying."

"OH" Rick exclaimed, "THOSE are dangerous! I'll have two!"

"This is how you do it BOOOOOOIS!" Nolan gave Rick a high five, then grabbed an orange and pink fizz.

CJ picked up a shot and slammed it back, "What the hell that was like drain cleaner."

"How do you know what drain cleaner tastes like?" Daniel grinned.

"If you think tastes bad, you've got a bad snoot," Nolan guffawed.

"How do you know what drain cleaner tastes like? Enquiring minds want to know..." Rick was starting to feel the effects of the copious amounts of alcohol.

"I'm afraid that information is classified with the rest of my mispent youth." CJ laughed.

"According to the Spirit's Commissaur Guide you really shouldn't chase a Trillian Gin twister with anything fruit based." Daniel explained looking up from a PADD. "But honestly I don't know why you'd be drinking a Trillian gin twister in the first place."

“Becaushze they tashte goods… dyngus,” Rick replied with his head wobbling a bit as he smiled quite the crooked smile.

Nolan schlepped himself to the music box and plugged in credits before wobbling back to his stool. "I think the drink is drunk."

"Ohh, it IS," Rick agreed.

CJ laughed as he finished his drink and turned to Daniel, "we've got drinks and music that's the only thing missing."

CJ motioned to towards the back of the room,"There's a girls in the corner over there and keeps looking on our way."

Nolan squinted. "CJ, I hate to break it to you. Thazzzzzzzzza coat rack." With a certain piratey swagger, Nolan went back over to the music box and plugged credits back in. "I tot we wuz goin to anozzar pub booooiz. Wif food."

"You have no romance in your soul Nolan."CJ said before swaggering over to ladies. "Ladies my friends and I would be honored if you would join us, we thinking about grabbing food the the next pub."

The coat racks wobbled.

"Fooooddzzzz." Rick sounded almost like a zombie, "Foooooodzzzz ... Gooooooood." He finished off his latest pan galactic gargle blaster.

The gentlemen that were increasingly becoming less genteel with each sip of alcohol made their way to the next brewpub that was promised by the last bartender to have the most excellent of munchies. They found themselves on the stucco steps of a little mom and pop shop of a noodle bar that smelled of spicy food. Bellies audibly growled. "This will be most excellent my boys," Nolan clapped Rick on the back, the walk sobering him up some.

"By Kahless you bunch are hard to find." Melor was shaking his head. "It took me forever to track you sorry bunch down." Not entirely true. As he regarded himself half on bodyguard duty he wanted to be mostly sober if Kay was somehow to run into trouble.

"Foooood gents!" The motley bunch stumbled into the noodle establishment. Nolan ordering green bottles of liquor for everyone. "Saluuuuuut!"

"Fooooood," Rick continued imitating a zombie. "Menyuuuuuu," he tried not to laugh at himself and failed miserably.

"Can I get the NOODS?" Nolan said from below his eyebrows suggestively to the waitress. (This, humble reader, you would think would get him slapped, but somehow, she laughed and blushed. She put in his order. I'm confused too. Now back to our story.)

"Noods?" Rick asked curiously, "Is that close to foooodz?" He giggled.

"I got her room key and she's bringing me a bowl of noodles broski," Nolan whispered munching on the tray of crunchy wafers the waitress left for someone's soup.

“Lucky you,” Rick was starting to have trouble holding his head up but he continued to imbibe in the delightful beverages.

The waitress sat fat bowls of bountiful noodles in steaming luxurious broth in front of our esteemed drunkards. "Enjoy!"

"If I didna have my eye on someone, I'd be takin' that one home," Nolan said; he shoved the key to CJ. "He needs the luck."

CJ stared long and hard at the key. Was it a key? Or was it a laundry ticket. The world would never know. "I think I'm good"

The waitress came back around with green bottles of potent liquor and asked if the gentlemen would like more food to help their drowning bellies. She winked at Nolan, who then in turn winked at CJ, who then stared at the laundry ticket and back at Nolan. Nolan jumped on his chair. "My pals! This has been an honor!"

“It hassshhh,” Rick replied while taking one of the bottles. “Dish ish da good shtuffff.” He took a long swig and nearly fell over. “Oops”

"It seems that you have all had more than enough." Melor observed. "Time to call it a day!"

"Says you!" Nolan hollered, scooping up Rick by his arm pits and carrying him out the door to the next location. "We just need to dance boys!"

Melor shook his head. Was he getting old? Or was it just that he needed to stay fairly sober but for him the pub crawl was not as fun as he remembered.

"I am calling it a night, have fun boys."


---The Nightclub---

The nightclub air thrummed with music. Bustling with bass and sweaty dancing. "Did you see that absolute Babe?!" Nolan shoved CJ into a group of very attractive young ladies to test his luck. He placed Rick, hiccuping at the bar. And started to bop. "PARRRRRTY MY GUYS!"

Rick was muttering something to himself, "Ya know... all the professional drinkers... I know... will tell you... for every two... alcoholic beverages... you should have... at least one... eight ounce glass of water... right now... I feel like... I need... a couple of... gallons..." each phrase was punctuated by a hiccup.

A 9 foot tall pink creature with fangs and claws appeared wearing a matching pink catsuit. "Drunker than skunks in a river." She procured waters and passed them around. Just as quickly as she appeared. She disappeared in vapor.

Rick looked around attempting to be suspicious but failing miserably. "Where'dshe go?" Then he saw the water that had just been served and began to sip from a glass thirstily.

"Wus dat my girlfroond?" Nolan shouted over the music drinking a blue saucer of something. CJ was dancing with the coat rack he had 'acquired' from the last stop. The coats flopping too and fro. Nolan laughed. "Lookatem Rick, dats the face of a boy in lurve."

Rick completely failed to keep his composure and laughed like a drunken idiot.

A small box fell from the coat pocket. Causing CJ to trip.

“Oh NO!” Rick exclaimed, “He tripped!” And made absolutely no effort to help his fallen comrade.

A group of very angry men came in. "You're the sonnabish that stole our coats!" They yelled. Pointing at CJ.

CJ staggered back and put both arms in front of the coat rack. "Don't worry about them, m'lady."

Nolan stepped between the angry group and CJ. "Now, gents, hooow can we help you?" he was drunk, but he managed to sound surprisingly sober.

"His ass is grass," the biggest nosed one said.

"I'd say it's just ass," Nolan hiccuped. "Let's get your coats and get you on your ways."

CJ scooted the coat rack on the dance floor, kicking the small box with his foot.

The largest of the men stared in horror. "Get out of my way!"

Aw shit… here we go,” Rick thought. He was a little better than half drunk at the moment but he knew when a fight was about to break out.

The big man threw Nolan aside to grab CJ by his collar. "Boy, do you know who I am?"

Nolan immediately stood back up. "My broskis, what heinous crime could my fellow bro could have committed that is getting him manhandled so?"

"Those are his ma's memories in that box Sonno," said the one in a cap. "I'd be standing down."

Nolan looked at the small box. "Bros, we can just get the box from the dancefloor."

"Sonno, it is his MA and he's not going to be hearin' from the likes of you now," the capped man said.

The large man was shaking CJ like a rag doll and screaming about disrespect. CJ was yelling about his girlfriend being shunned rudely. No one saw who threw the first punch. Some say it was the coat rack. But the Starfleet boys had themselves a brawl over a coatrack and a box.

Rick went after CJ's assailant trying to get him to put CJ down. When that didn't work he picked up the nearest bottle and smacked against the guy's head.

Rick was amazed that the bottle didn't break. Whoever owned this establishment must have been rather smart and ordered all the beverages to come in unbreakable plastic bottles. Too many bar fights in the past? Rick thought. shit.

The capped man sighed at Nolan. "Sonno, I hates to do this." He wound his fist back.

"We're Starfleet, we partied too hardy," Nolan said accepting impending the punch.

"I cannae do it," the capped man put his fist down.

"We can be boiiiiiiis?" Nolan tested the waters. The capped man shrugged and Nolan draped his long arm around the man's shoulders. "Let's broker peace between our warring factions my broooooo!"

------------------------------------------------ Back on the Resolution

"You're telling me that Boucher brought home a coat rack?" one of the twin ensigns giggled.

"With some dead ladies' ring in it?" the other twin snickered.

Nolan stretched and touched the ceiling of the Ensign's quarters. "The guy took major offense to his proposal ring getting kicked around, he had his ma's ashes turned into a stone."

"That's weird," the twins said in unison.

"That's what I said. I wonder if he'll be waking up. PARRRTY BOYS?"

Rick was dead asleep. CJ the same. Snores echoed through the barracks.

"Aren't they going to be mad they're on the lower decks?" one of the twins asked.

"We were kindly asked to leave the hotel... and I can't carry them to their rooms... they can sleep it off like ensigns, like a true party heroes." Nolan saluted them before passing out on the floor.