Picking up the Pieces

Posted on Wed Jun 22nd, 2022 @ 1:52pm by Commander Antonia 'Tony" Stoffels
Edited on on Sat Jul 2nd, 2022 @ 8:21am

Mission: The Lost Brother
Location: Wagnor's Quarters
Timeline: A few minutes after "Cries in the Dark"

After she had dropped Sky off at sickbay and made sure that the doctor had all the information he needed Tony hurried back to Ren's quarters as there was no way she was going to leave him alone now.

After the ladies left for sickbay Soran grabbed the whiskey and began drinking it straight from the bottle. He knew from experience that the quickest way to dull the pain in his head was with alcohol. Nothing dulled the memories, he recalled every face with perfect clarity. There wasn't enough liquor in the world to drown it out. Still part of him wanted to try. He'd drunk about half the bottle, before deciding that getting smashed would just make things worse.

He picked up his harmonica, it had been given to him by a friend when he was at the Academy. His people had a similar instrument that he used to play during the war, he always had one with him. He began to play an old tune he often played when he felt alone. He ignored the the chime he didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Computer override door control code XO." She said to her com and not a second later the door opened. It had it's privileges being the ship's XO. Her mind immediately took in the half open bottle and Ren playing his harmonica. Tony exhaled to calm and centre herself and then just sat down next to him without saying anything.

Soran ended his tune,"Is she all right?"

He didn't look at her, he couldn't how could continue on this ship. This wasn't the first incident he'd had with a telepath, but was certainty one of the worst. He may have injured a pregnant woman, this was unacceptable. He really didn't see any way of coming back from this. He starred at pictures on his desk.

Tony continued to sit next to him in silence.

"This is the second time tonight my quarter's have been entered without my consent. None of this would have happened if people had tended to their own business."

"I am sorry that I had to come in but I have a duty of care." Tony said softly. "As first officer, as a doctor and as a friend. What happened tonight was not your fault, Ren."

"Doesn't matter," he sighed. "Is Lt. Jansen okay?"

"She will be. And maybe that is my fault, I could have prepared her better. As I am your friend I have not looked at you evals since we became friends. Maybe I should have."

"You're on the command track now Tony, careful what you admit to." He stated. "If you're going to make it as a commander you must be the commander first friendship must be secondary to that. You are my commander, you need to decide whether you're going to be my counselor or friend?"

'Low blow Ren. You know my friends come before anything else in my life. I am not my grandfather." She pauzed. "What do you need me to be right now? Friend or therapist?"
"
"Hell if I know," He said, still staring at the pictures.

"Are you taking your meds?" She asked. "The ones I prescribed for if the nightmares ever came back?"

Soran looked up at her, "I was taken off the Fluoxten before my first ship assignment. You know as well as I that the regulations do not permit personnel to serve on a starship while on Fluoxten. The Zentramine stops the nightmares, but numbs my senses and slows my reaction time. I can't do my job competently while taking it."

He spoke with a dry tone, his frustration could clearly be heard in his voice. "Drugs aren't the answer, I'm just having a rough patch."

That was hard to hear. "There are drugs that do not alter your reaction times. They should have given you those. I told you that you would probably be on some drugs for the rest of your life." She said softly. "They would keep the nightmares and the moodswings bearable."

"With my unique physiology no one can say for sure how a drug will interact with my system" Soran said. "I can't say on active duty while you try to figure which chemicals do what. I've spent more time without meds then with them."

"And without any incidents?" Tony asked. "No problems with other crew?" She really hoped that he had stayed out of trouble.

"Very few, " he paused."I really am having a hard right now, that doesn't mean I need drugs."

She exhaled. "No but you need help. You don't have to go this road alone. I told you that before. And I am still here for you."

" I know you are and I love you for it," Soran said quietly.

He began cry as of the weight of past was hitting him all at once.

"Oh Ren." She went to his side and just put her arms around him. 'I am here for you, you are not alone. I'm here." She gently stroked his back.

He held her and allow himself to be comforted, "I still see their faces. I remember every single one."

"I know." Tony whispered in his ear. "It's the burden of command. I know." She continued to say as she held him.

He never told anyone about the things in his nightmares. "Every life I've taken I remember their face."

"That also makes you a good man. You are not the cold hearted killer they wanted to make you. It's a victory Ren. That you still feel this much. I know it doesn't feel like it, but it is."

"I should try to get some rest, " he sighed.

"you do. You think you can sleep?"

"No, but I should try." He got her a weak smile.

"Let's get you to bed and I will watch over you." She said softly as she got to her feet.

"I'm not a child Tony," he gave her a weary look. "Besides I'm sure you need sleep as well."

She waved that away. "You don't need to be a child to need a bit of security. We all need people looking out for us from time to time."

"Between the whiskey and the fatigue I doubt I'll have any further dreams tonight," Soran stated . "Besides you need your sleep too."

"Nope I am all good. Command types are indistructable, didn't you know that?" She said with a straight face.

"You're not going to let this go are you?" He sighed. "We both need sleep. I'm not going to be able to sleep if I know your not."

He stood up, "So I guess we'll have to share the bed. There plenty of room, If I have a nightmare you can wake if not we can both get a couple of hours of sleep."

Tony blinked. She could not be sure of what he meant, but Ren had never made a pass at her in all the years they had known each other. And they were both exhausted. So she decided to take the deal and worry about it later. "All right. That is a bargain I can live with."

Soran nodded, glad that matter was settled. He walked into the next room and crawled into bed. He was asleep almost the moment his head hit the pillow.

It took Tony a bit longer to fall asleep but she was tired. And finally she managed to drift off in this strange room.