Soldiers Tears

Posted on Wed Jun 22nd, 2022 @ 1:56pm by Captain Xavier Carey
Edited on on Sun Jun 26th, 2022 @ 10:19am

Mission: The Lost Brother
Location: Holodeck
Timeline: Current

Xavier had talked to sky, what she went through was horrible, the nightmares, the memories, everything. The fact that it wasn't even hers worried him more, that someone was going through that on a nightly basis. Someone besides him, although it seemed much more intense than his own. Not wanting to feel intrusive by calling him to his office, he opted for the holodeck.

"Commander Wagnor, would you be able to come to holodeck three if you are not busy."

=^=I be there a few minutes Sir.

Wagnor walked up the entrance to the holodeck, he paused before entering wondering what the Captain was up to.

Walking out when the computer notified someone was at the door, "Thank you for coming Commander."

Soran nodded he didn't know what to say, he knew the Captain was in a relationship with Lt. Jansen. He wasn't sure how much she share with him. This was a strange situation, it was and wasn't hers to share.

"sky has told me about what happened she didn't go into detail, but she did tell me about how bad they were." Xavier replied as he gestured for him to follow.

Soran followed without a word he honestly didn't know what to say

Walking into the holodeck, he honestly didn't know if this was a good idea or a bad one but he took the chance. "I know what it's like, the nightmares, waking up with the swears, remembering everything." He came to a wooded area, it was dawn, and a burned area of the forest lay ahead. "Though mine wasn't first hand, it could have very well have been, seeing the aftermath."

As the two walked downt he path the smell became clear, bodies could be seen on the side of the road, smoldering.

"What the fuck is this?!" Soren said backing away. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes as memories came fucking back.

"This is my nightmare, one of many." Xavier replied. "This place was one of many slaughters where men women and children were slaughtered without mercy. None survived, none lived to tell the tale. They weren't soldiers, not terrorists, just those that someone thought could pose a threat." He paused. "A federation team was responsible, the leader became known as the butcher of nirvana IV."

Soran to close the eyes. Such horror was far from new to him.

"I was to several aftermaths, looking for survivors, it was my fist year as an officer. Then my... Father came onboard with a mission for me along with his men, behind enemy lines." He turned, "that mission was the mission I killed my father, and his team saving the enemy. A group of civilians. Children, elderly. Once I got safely back to federation space... I found out who truly my father was. Those deaths. May not have been caused by my hand, but it was caused by the blood of my family. The more I read into the dealings of my father, the more ... Dark of a path I was heading to. The nightmares, sleepless nights."

"Computer end program!" Soran barked. "Why do you have a program like this?! What's your fucking point Sir?!"

The Angosian was shaking with rage now, he was what Carey was driving at. Right now he didn't care, he was only vaguely aware of the tears streamingdown his face. "I didn't mean to burden anyone my hell, I certainly don't want into step yours."

"I wanted to show you, that you aren't alone. it's fine talking to people who have no clue what you are going through, the nightmares, sleepless nights. The memories the whole nine yards. But having someone who knows exactly what you are going through. Can help." He paused Tony was going to kill him

"My point is commander, you have people on this ship that can help. And at least one that knows exactly what you are going through. I often had the flight mode when things got overbearing. When I wanted to leave when things got hard. I. Assuming it's on your mind."

Soran stared at Xavier, he didn't know what to say. On the one hand it was rare to find anyone who could relate to his experience. On the other hand the situation was forcing him into a level of vulnerability that was almost unbearable. He looked at the black and yellow grid of the holodeck, he sighed. He needed to hear the man out, he owed him that much.

"Computer, Wagnor 15." He instructed.

The room melted into a park on an M class world, Soran moved to a table and took a seat.

"So what do you suggest?" He asked.

"Having Tony helps, she's the one that helped me out of the dark place I was heading to after the ordeal. But sometimes having someone who knows what it's like can be just as good. To talk, to spar, to... To open up to." He took a seat at the opposite side of the table. "Instead of worrying about things happening and flight mode kicking in. My door will always be open."

"It would seem Lt Janson wants to continue consoling." Soran signed, "I don't know how I feel about that, I understandher needt o process what she saw in my mind. I don't see how she can look at me to say after that. I caused her a great deal of pain with my burdens and I don't wanna do that again."

"She is stronger than she looks Commander, her telepathic abilities are heightened due to the pregnancy, but I will talk to her if need be, let her recover from this experience."

"The last telepath ended up in my mind spent a few hours unconscious afterward." He said, "I black for a while as well. I can take the defenses down sometimes O was able to release her once I realized she was in my mind."

"Shes more of an empath than a full telepath, which is probably what saved her fromt he full brunt. Though with romulans being related to the vulcans... it does give more more than what she would get with a human/betazoid telepath."

"I see." The Angosian paused, "part of my training involved giving me an eideticmemory, I've killed a hundred and twenty four times and remember all of their faces. Now she will remember few of those faces too."

"We have all done things that we are ashamed of, whether we are willing to admit it or not. The trick is not to forget about what happened, but to make it so that it doesn't happen again. Take your past, and use it to prevent future scenarios where they happen. There are ways to live with it Commander. Even with photographic memory, there are ways." Xavier paused. "You ever get the want to fight, hand to hand? Wanting to just take things to blows with anyone?"

" I've had a few martial triggers but I've them I've resisted them," Soran admitted, "A friend and comrade transferred with me his been able to help me stay on track. "

"It helps me, my wife and I fight, well I try to fight. Being against someone four feet taller than you... makes for some disadvantages for me. But even with the holodeck. Releasing that energy, being able to just bring fists to face can often help."

"The USS Lister's XO banned me from sparring after I gave his cousin a concussion and a broken nose. The funny part is his cousin transferred with me." Soran explained.

"Ah, well, if sparring helps, then spar away, we have a doctor if any injuries are done. I spar myself, so why stop my officers doing it. Being security, it should be a common occurance."

"That's good to hear, Sir." He smiled.

"If you ever in need of a partner, just ask."

"I'll probably take you up on that so," Soran nodded. "This program helps as well, this is a park Angosiana III. I used to spend a lot of time here as a teenager."

"It looks... peaceful." Xavier replied looking around. "Any family back home?"

"I was a child of the state, I grew up in an orphanage. I met my brother Crom a couple of years before I entered I entered the Defense Academy. I made it into the elite forces," he shook his head. "Which basically meant double the brainwashing. Crom volunteered for the regular army, and was declared MIA. The people I met in my military training were the closest I had to family."

"Well, coming from a ship that lost many on their first deep space, and the CO making the entire crew ffeel like family, I hope we can make you feel like you have one on here."

"I hope so Sir," he said.

"That being said Commander, I do not want you to blame youself with what happened. Thats an order."

"I will try to follow that order Sir, but that's one battle with myself that seems to be a war of attrition." Soran stated.

Nodding in understanding, "If there is nothing else Commander, I shall leave you do what you were going to do."

"Thank you, Sir." Soran said.