What's wrong with me? pt 2

Posted on Fri Oct 14th, 2022 @ 9:18am by Lieutenant Sky Jansen-Carey

Mission: The Lost Brother

Soran was baffled by Tony's reaction to him going on a date in the past; she'd always supported him. He thought about what he'd told her about talking to someone one and realized that's what he needed to do himself. When he saw her leave the mess hall while he was with Kiara it was so strange. He pressed his combadge.

"Wagnor to Jansen, I need to talk to you." He tried to sound calm but he felt quite shaken.

Sky was already in her office when Soran’s call came through. “I’m in my office if you’d like to drop by now.”

Soran walked into the office and got a coffee from the replicator, he never thought he'd feel this comfortable in a therapist's office. He took a seat and looked at Sky he didn’t know how to begin.

"I'm really confused right now Sky." He said.

Sky offered her friend, and colleague a comforting smile. “What’s got you so confused Ren?”

"I met Lt Rahl in the Medbay a week ago, It’s a long story but things got a little... well she kissed me." He didn't make eye contact as spoke, therapist or not it felt strange talking about these things.

Sky nodded. “I take it you’re not sure how you feel about it? Is it how you feel about the kiss, or how you feel about Lt Rahl?”

"She wanted physical comfort. I understand that I've spent most of my adult life lightyears away from any place I could call home." He smiled, "It felt good to be touched, I've often indulged in carnal comfort just because I don't want to be alone. I know it can cause a lot of confusion and complications to my relationships, but I do it anyway. I guess that makes me a selfish prick."

Sky shook her head. “No, of course it doesn’t! There’s nothing wrong with looking for comfort. I take it you’ve made your intentions clear to Kiara?”

"Well for the kiss we were kind of caught up in a moment" Soran looked away.. "We had dinner last night and I walked her through the Arboretum. I'm not sure what next, I definitely want to take things slower than she did."

“Am I to guess there’s more to this? You did tell me about your problem With relationships.” Sky smiled understandingly. “Did you tell Kiara that you weren’t ready for more?”

"I explained it to her," He said meekly. "She seems to think that I'm hung up on someone else."

Sky paused. She had a feeling there was more to it. “Are you Ren? Is there someone else?”

"No." Soran said quickly, then paused. "Well Tony got up and left the messhall shortly after I sat down with Kiara, Kiara thought she sensed something from her. I've always cared about her deeply but it's never been a romantic thing."

Sky nodded. “Ren, have you stopped to think that maybe your feelings for Tony are...well more romantic?”

"Well I don't think I've ever really thought of her that way. When we first met it she was barely an adult and I was in my mid twenties," he said. "I became one of her patients later, I've always seen her as family."

“Well she’s not that young teenage woman anymore, Tony is an adult now. She’s changed, and so have you Ren.” Sky smiled warmly. “Perhaps you should consider the fact that you’re in love with Tony.”

"Fact?" Soran raised an eyebrow. "What makes you so sure?"

“Well, maybe not so much a fact, but I’ve been in your head remember?” She offered a smile. “Tony means more to you then you realise, talk to her Ren!”

"I can't risk it," Soran said. "I've managed to screw up every relationship I've ever had. I can't do that to Tony."

Sky felt like giving him a swift kick up the backside, but she didn’t say or show it. “If you don’t talk to her about it, then how will you know whether or not she feels the same?”

"I tried to talk to her about last night, she's normally very supportive of my relationships. She got very agitated and called me an ass… It's like she's… jealous?"

Sky nodded. “Very possibly, and she’ll be hating herself for it!”

He shook his head, "I can't do it."

Sky reached out her hand, before holding it up remembering what happened last time. “Is there something wrong with being in love with your best friend?”

"Have you ever had your best friend die in your arms?" Soran looked her in the eye. "Tony reminds me of Thatha, I can’t."

He looked away he was holding back tears. This was the first he'd admitted it. He knew it wasn't rational, but he blamed himself so many of his friends deaths. "I just can't, That's why I keep my relationships casual. I can't let people get to close, even when I means I'm alone... I close my eyes, I see Thay's face... I can't I just can't"

“What is it your friend used to say Ren ... The smoke must be in your eyes.” Sky offered a warm smile. “Open your eyes, and your heart, before it’s too late! Grab what’s there before you lose it forever.”

"That's probably what she would say," Soran swallowed hard. "I'm still afraid I'll just end up hurting Tony."

“Love hurts sometimes Ren” Sky offered a comforting smile. “That’s what makes the risk all the more worth it, it’s better to love than not to try at all. Give it a chance!”

"Thank you Sky," Soran said. "I'm not sure how broach the subject with her, but I guess she knows I'm a screw up."

Sky grinned. “Right now I think Tony considers herself a screw up, after the way she acted with the news of her brother’s disappearance. She needs your support Ren, so why don’t you go and offer it to her.”

"Support' is that what they're calling it these days?" He chuckled.

Sky laughed. “What I’m saying is there’s nothing wrong with being in love with your best friend. She obviously loves you, so the two of you just need to admit it to each other.”

"I guess Tony and I have a lot to talk about." Soran shook his head.

Sky nodded. “If you need to talk to me afterwards you know where to find me.”

"I have a feeling Tony and I will be in here a lot. Whether we choose to go through with this relationship or not, our feelings towards each other are complicated." He sighed.

“That’s fine, couples counselling is not a problem.” Sky smiled warmly. “We can work through it together.”

"I appreciate that," he smiled.

Sky nodded. “Would you like me to call Tony here so the two of you can talk? I can make myself scarce until you’re done.”

"I'd like to take some time to compose myself and my thoughts," he smiled. "I'll talk to her tonight."

“Fair enough” Sky smiled. “All I’ll say is Good Luck!”