Meeting the Commodore

Posted on Tue Feb 28th, 2023 @ 9:31am by 1st Lieutenant Kayleigh London

Mission: Evacuation
Location: London quarters
Timeline: Current.

Denise had a good visit with her husband that afternoon. He was already looking a bit better and apparently Richard had involved him in a pet project. She sat there laughing as Wain told her about he almost screwed it up before he began.

"He's a really nice guy." Her husband said but he got pretty angry when he found out I was an admiral as well as a professor. Rich said he did not really open up to him because of the rank so I thought I was being wise."

She smirked. "Don't try for wise, love. But I am glad you can help, you are a good teacher. And I will send him a message." Honestly she was intrigued as well.

So not much after getting back to her quarters she sent Kerr a message asking him to join her in her quarters for dinner if he was free. She had promised Wain that under no circumstances would she attempt to cook though. Her non-existent cooking skills were legend in the family.

Having had the invite to go and meet with the Professors wife, Finchley promptly arrive at nineteen thirty as requested. Bottle of wine in hand, he didn't like to arrive anywhere that was outside of 'work hours' without anything so he thought this was fine. He pressed the chime by the door and waited for someone to answer.

Denise opened the door. "Right on time." She said with a smile. "Nice to meet you Mr Kerr. I am Denise Parri, or Mrs London. Also known as doctor Parri or commodore Parri." She said amused. "Please come in."

"Thank you Commodore" Finchley replied, stepping into the room. He liked the decor, not to much but nor spartan either. Turning to Denise he said "I wasn't sure it was appropriate or not, but I brought a bottle of wine" he continued, handing to to his host. At least he had the satisfaction of knowing what rank Denise was so that it didn't come as any kind of surprise.

"Hmm looks like a good vintage. Thank you." Denise said. "We can open it over dinner. And as this is an informal dinner I hope you would call me Denise? I am off duty at the moment anyway looking after my husband and one of my sons. I am only working with one patient at the moment." She gestured him to the small dining table. "As space is at a premium right now I asked for small quarters."

"I can't vouch for the wine as I'm not really much a wine drinker, I've always just seen it as 'the gift' you take" Finchley smiled. I know this is a strange request, and I'm sure your husband has probably explained this to you, I have real difficulty in calling anyone of a most Senior rank by their first name. I mean no disrespect, but a compromise could be that I call you Doctor, Doctor Parri? The Admiral will also have explained why we're meeting, I had...I think I probably still will...look to sit the Officers exam again. He felt I ought to have a chat with you as you'd like to get some insight into how people cope with stress."

"Wain told me all about your visit." She smiled. "I think it irritated him a little. He and Rich have this strange idea that they are just one of the guys. When they were a bit younger they used to go to noncom bars and tried not to get recognized. Often they played along. Doctor is fine with me and I am really glad you are willing to take the time to share your experience with me. What would you like to eat? Oh and what name do you prefer?"

"I can't help who I am Doctor, I'm the son of two Diplomats who were used to formal functions that included the use of titles and ranks" Finchley replied "and that's just how it is. I'm sorry it irritated the Admiral, I genuinely am, however, I'd like to think that people accept me for who I am and how I work. Finchley is fine with me so long as you're happy with that, and may I please have some cottage pie and assorted vegetables. How can I help you with sharing my experiences, are there any specific area's your looking into?"

"Well Finchley." Denise said while she instructed the replicator. "Wain told you I am a psychiatrist and I specialize in trauma and PTSD. I am always gathering knowledge and insight in the subject. For me to learn is to talk to others how they have coped with it and what worked and what didn't." She did not add that she had been through a fair share of trauma herself.

"Let's begin with what you know and have been told" Finchley replied "Any personal insights may be relevant as well. From that, I can then ascertain how best to furnish you with an answer."

"Been told." It made Denise laugh. "Sorry, Wain and I have been through our own fair bit of trauma. And I have been practicing for 30 years. I am however doing a study that incorporates as many facets as possible. How people react depends on their own personality, the coping skills they have been taught, friends and doctors. Right now I am focussing on the role of friends and fellow soldiers in the field, how that can reduce PTSD later on."

"Well then Doctor, as each situation is different, tell me of the trauma you and the Admiral have been through and how you were helped, that way I'll know what help you've had and how I can possibly add to your study" Finchley replied.

She blinked. It was still not easy for her to talk about the worst moment of her life. Even if it was over twenty years ago now. What was happening with the Stoffels family was bringing it all back. That and having her oldest son in sickbay right now not knowing if he would ever walk again.

"We lost a two year old daughter in a terrorist attack many years ago. It nearly broke us both. I was not willing to accept help from friends, I burried myself in work, helping my patients and forgetting myself. It took a breakdown before I could finally accept help from those closest to me. But still it took years to work through it with the help of a good trauma specialist and my friends. " It was only the tip of the iceberg but it would show him that she used her own knowledge with her patients.

"So you compartmentalised the situation and locked it away, filling the void of your loss with work so you didn't have to stop and think about your daughter" Finchley said "You drove yourself so hard to avoid the hurt that eventually the stress broke you, and only then could you re-open the door you'd closed. The reason I'm saying this to you Doctor is that it's not dissimilar to anyone I've served with who's suffered trauma. You can't reduce PTSD, it's there and anyone who says that you can is talking through a hole in their arse...forgive me for the narrative, but they are. I have another question for you before we carry on. I haven't looked up anyone's records, not the Commanders, not the Generals, not the Admirals nor yours, but I'd like you to tell me what first hand military experience you have that qualifies you to diagnose and help those who are suffering PTSD and trauma, to allow you to 'give' them advice."

Denise took a few seconds to think about her reply, again this was very personal for her. She was also surprised at such a personal question, but she only saw genuine curiosity on his face. "First I want to say that there are some very good therapists out there without any military experience who have saved people's lives." She said gently. " In the beginning of my career I have served on ships and have gone on away missions. I lived through some tense missions off and on ships. During one mission I was captured, tortured and raped."

"I'm genuinely sorry to hear that horrific situation occurred Doctor" Finchley replied "What I'm about to say next may sound unkind, but it is none the less true, and it's in regards to therapists without military experience working with traumatised serving military members...codswallop! What they know or what they think they know comes from text books, lectures, written thesis they themselves have read and stories they've listened to on how actual serving therapists have given treatment. They have no first hand experience at what a soldier has gone through, they have no idea what they feel, what they 'see' and what visions and tortured dreams they go through. I speak from first hand experience regarding this, and this is where I tend to get emotional. One of your non military experienced therapists set about treating one of my soldiers when we returned from a border skirmish on Tem IV. They were young, it was only their second action but they got bogged down in a ravine in a killing zone. Twelve went in, three came out, and only because we sent in three squads to flush them out. He watched nine of his colleagues die and for what, a rock that though we'd won, we were told two days later to pull out of and pull back to our previous sector. Yes, the therapist was calm, cool and collected. They were gentle, understanding and offered words of encouragement, tried to help the young man speak of his trauma...but that therapist had no understanding of the reality of the situation, what it was, how it felt, what it was like to be out there outnumbered and outgunned. They could not put themselves in that youngsters shoes, they were treating him for a trauma they couldn't even begin to understand. So this is why I had to ask, because you know what happened to that young man, because he was sinking under the weight of his own guilt for surviving, he put a phaser rifle in his mouth and pulled the trigger. One of your inexperienced therapists didn't help him Doctor, because they couldn't understand how it felt."

"That's just one horror story, there are plenty more" Finchley carried on "So for me, unless a therapist has experience of what they're trauma victim is going through, they can't help treat someone. You may think that's a very narrow minded view from me, but I'm military, and the victims of trauma and PTSD that I've witnessed and those that I've helped are because I have been there. There's one other thing, and perhaps it's something you ought to consider because this goes to the very crux of the matter of help. Of all the people I've helped get through their troubles, there's one common denominator they keep telling me, unlike a therapist, I don't treat them as a victim of their circumstances or their troubles, I treat them as a friend...and that is all they want, a friend."

"that is where I have to disagree with you, Finchley. I agree with you that friends are very important. And a good therapist will ask about friends and family and involve them in the therapy process as much as possible. But a therapist is not and can't be that friend. We can show warmth and empathy but we are professionals. Unlike you I have seen therapists who became friends with patients and seen that go terribly wrong as well. And it is also to protect us. If we became friends with every client and feel the pain as deep as they do it traumatizes us. It's called secondary trauma and I have seen therapist friends destroyed yes even kill themselves because they could not take it anymore. Most of us have never seen combat, and can't take that level of pain. We have to stay to some degree detached in order to be an effective healer. I know you may never agree with me but in all my years as a healer I have seen enough to stand by my point of view."

"It actually depends on what kind of friendship is undertaken, in itself, friendship can take on may guises" Finchley replied "I agree 'close' friendship is a no, being involved intimately is a no, but being able to relate, having a connection because of familiarity of a problem or trauma that kind of friend is something every victim, because they are victims, needs. I never said anything about a therapist being romantically involved, that way lies madness on both sides, but knowing what someone has gone through, knowing the pain and suffering that is being endured, that's the fairy dust every patient is looking for. Being detached, actually 'aloof' is a better way of describing it, shows those looking for help that there's no understanding, so they think 'what's the point'. Doctor, I've spent many sessions sitting opposite those kinds of therapist, and do you know what the only thing I thought about was 'You have no idea what it's been like, this is a waste of time'."

He stood up and said "Thank you for your time Commodore, but this has been 'a waste of time', same as speaking to the Commander was, Admiral has been 'and' the General. The one thing all of you have in common, you take no responsibility, you just want me to 'speak to someone else'. My time for talking to someone else has been and gone. I should have listened to my first instinct, and this is the exact same as I told the Admiral, I should never have said anything to anyone about resitting the officer exam because I don't belong in your world, I belong in mine. I've worked far to hard to get to where I am to give that up for some...fantasy...of thinking I'd be accepted, when clearly I'm not. This isn't a pity party speech, this is me coming to the conclusion that I am who I am and I'm just going to accept that. Thank you also for your thoughts and insights, we differ very much on points of view, but, at least they're now out in the open and not cooped up in our minds any more. I really need to get back and speak to the Captain to let him know my decision, please excuse me."

Denise was flabbergasted. "Young man I have no idea what you are on about. It was my distinct opinion that Wain was going to mentor you and was looking forward to it. I am in no way involved in the decision about you resitting your officer exam. I just wanted to pick your brain. If I have offended you I do apologize. That was not my intention. And I do not see why you would suddenly give up a lifelong dream. Please don't go, sit down and let's talk some more"

"Commodore, no-one with the exception of my Mother uses the term 'Young man' regarding me, so could you please refrain from using that" Finchley replied turning around. Taking a few steps back towards her he carried on "The Admiral is helping me, not mentoring me, I'm not one of his students, but I am grateful for him taking the time to help me. Of course you're not part of that decision, it was and is mine and mine alone, but I'm beginning to think that I made the wrong choice to do so. You've not offended me, you just seem to have a very narrow minded view on the kind of help a therapist can give a victim of trauma. You think a therapist can help any and all situations even if they've never been through it themselves, I believe and always will believe that that us wrong and you'll never convince me otherwise. I'm happy for you to speak to me and I can give you information on what I've come across, but allow me to draw my own conclusions of what you and others in your profession can do by way of help."

He sat down at the table again and placed his hands, fingers interlocked, in front of him "How can I help?"

Again Denise felt completely surprised. Narrow-minded was one of the few things she had never been called before, it would give her superior a fit of hysterics if she ever heard it. As long as she had been commissioned her superiors had despaired over her unorthodox ways of working with patients. "Let's agree to disagree." She knew she would not be able to convince him otherwise and it was no use to share the success stories of passionate therapists who had not gone through trauma themselves who had helped patients. "so tell me, Finchley. What can we do more off to help."

"Get involved, I mean really get involved" Finchley replied "Get out of the office and get into the field. Any of your therapists that 'haven't' served onboard a vessel, who haven't been on an away team, get them to do so. You seem to think t's fine that they're good enough at what they do because 'in yours and they're opinion' you've successfully treated a trauma patient. What you've done is treat the symptom, helped them cope, but you've not actually understood 'how' they became as they are. For every successful treatment you all think you've achieved, I can give you ten who have had treatment or therapy who seem to have been also been helped, but the relapsed not soon after. You can choose to agree to disagree with me as much as you wish about this, but none of them will ever truly understand trauma till they know what their patients have experienced."

"Did it happen to you?" Denise asked. "Were you badly treated by a therapist?" She held her breath to wait for his reply.

"Vellaris, the Emmerus assault when the Wallace was part of the squadron sent in" Finchley began "We took down six away teams, that was thirty of us, and we were told it'd be a cake walk because the compound we were to survey was empty. Unfortunately the Intelligence report was wrong and we were attacked before we could enter it. The fight ended up becoming a hand to hand one and somewhere along it I was stabbed but not before I realised that some of our teams had broken through. I passed out and woke up some time later in our Medical bay having been beamed back after the fighting had stopped. It took me a while to recover, but I kept having dreams about the stabbing because it had come from behind me. Anytime I was accidently nudged from behind, I instinctively turned and would grab whoever was there. Eventually I was persuaded to go and see a therapist to try and sort this problem out. Their way of gauging how I reacted and how they could help me...they got me to stand blindfolded in the middle of the room and they would gently pat me with a small steel rod at various timed intervals. This was to see how quickly I'd react, how forceful I was in the reaction and what I'd say. Once they had all that, we went on and did some hypnosis therapy that was designed to help me counteract me reacting. Two days later when I was 'cured', I evidently couldn't stand being in any place where someone could stand behind me, I basically became a wall hugger only I always had my back to it. Now, the therapist I had was well respected, but had never served on any vessel in Starfleet in any way shape or form, they'd always been office bound from the day they got their degree. So, taking into account what I've just said, do you think it's unreasonable for me to believe that 'all' therapists should at least serve some time on active service before being given an office to work from?"

She winced. "There will always be rotten apples. And that is not what a form of treatment I would ever consider. But that goes for civilians with PTSD as well. There are different schools of psychotherapy, although I don't believe this works for anyone with PTSD. I always ask my therapists how they were schooled and if I don't like what I see and they are not willing to learn and change they will not work under me. I am sorry this happened to you, Finchley."

"Thank you, but the thing is Doctor, not all therapists work under you" Finchley replied. He could see that he wasn't going to get anywhere with what he was saying, so he moved on.

"PTSD itself can take many forms as you're well aware. It can also manifest itself in many many forms, no two people are the same so no two people ever exhibit the same symptoms. Yes, there can be similarities in some cases, I can't deny that, however, I've seen a number of fellow crew who have suffered from things. Things like bad dreams, waking nightmares, hallucinations, becoming non verbal, withdrawal into their own psyche, temporary sight loss, becoming loners, over reactions, stuttering, involuntary shaking, loss of power to limbs, twitches...the list goes on. Do you want all the stories or is there something specific you want to discuss?"

"Well initially I just wanted to hear from you what the factors were that helped people heal." Denise said pensive. "But I am kind of changing my mind. That is if you are willing to help me." She looked at Finchley. "There are indeed some therapists who work with severe trauma and PTSD and combat fatigue who have never been out in the field. What you just told me makes me think that we should make it compulsory that they do at least one year tour on a ship before they are qualified to practice. Would you be willing to record something to help convince my boss and maybe a training session that will help convince other therapists of the need. I will do something myself of course but I think you would make a very compelling case."

"You never get healed from PTSD Doctor, you just learn coping mechanisms and pray they work" Finchley replied evenly "Though one things for sure, and I would hasten to think that if you were to ask anyone who suffers from this disorder, it certainly focuses you inwardly, as in, you're aware it's happening, and you then turn within to look to help yourself. Combat fatigue is a whole different kettle of fish, that takes much longer to draw the person back out into the real world. With someone who's suffering from BF, it's the collapse of both the mental and physical factors that need looking at. Bed rest obviously is a start, believe it or not I've witnessed a friend sleep for nearly forty eight hours straight, scared me half to death as I thought they'd gone into some kind of coma, but it turned out they were just in a very deep REM sleep. Anyway, getting on to what you said about the therapists serving a one year tour, that's great, but, I believe you have to look more 'long term'. A one year tour will give you some experience, but what about those ships who have three or five year missions, who're going into deep space, how will you cope with therapy for anyone affected without having first hand knowledge from a therapist who's already been there? Yes, I'll help you record something to try and convince your boss, but this is on my terms, so if I say no to any particular suggestion you make, we stop...agreed?" he ended, putting out his hand.

It was a start so Denise decided not to argue anymore. So she accepted his hand. "Agreed, Finchley. I look forward to working together."

"Working..." Finchley laughed out loud "This won't be work Commodore, this will be me putting my life in your hands, and I don't trust anyone but me. Let's see how and where this goes, who knows, it might even get a mention in a report sometime."

"Who knows. Now let's enjoy our food."

End.