Well consider me one

Posted on Sat Mar 19th, 2022 @ 11:22am by Lieutenant Talsi Carey & Commander Antonia 'Tony" Stoffels

Mission: Free write
Location: Xo pffice
Timeline: Current

Tal walked into her quarters, her shift had just ended and it would be some time before the others got home, so quickly she stripped down, much to the relief of her aching body. Clothes were just too restrictive for her body. Pausing, she had thought about the night before, with the Commander. Her actions were perfectly normal for her, and for Xavier. However this were not normal circumstances. Hesitantly, getting back dressed, with clothes that were revealing but acceptable in public, she walked out the door. Upon arriving to the door, she rang the chime. Something also unaccustomed to her, as she usually walked right in.

Tony opened the door and blinked in surprise. "Mrs Carey, what can I do for you." As the other woman was not in uniform she did not use rank.

"I came to apologize, my behavior last night, although normal for myself, and those closest to me, is clearly not normal for use around you." Tal replied as she stood looking down at the commander.

Tony exhaled. "Come in." She said then. "I admit that I was not prepared and was taken completely off guard. Can I get you something to drink?"

Walking in, she looked around "This office was briefly Xaviers before the Captain got hit." She replied, about to say something but stopped. Her tail now wrapping around her waist like a belt. Several times around. "A cup of vanilla."

"Coming right up." Tony said. "Please have a seat. It must be hard living on a ship were everything is the wrong size for you."

Tal took a breath, "It is even harder when the people you work around, work with, are... not as inhibitive as you are. My people don't have inhibitions. We do what we want, who we want. Where we want, how we want."

"I think after last night I get the picture. That must be hard for you, to fit in here." She handed Tal her drink and then sat down herself. "Are you happy here?"

Pausing, before answering, "Happiness is what you make of it, its a choice, just like upset with your situation is a choice."

"That is very true, but it does not anwser my question." Tony smiled. "Sorry just smack me in the head if I am sounding to much like a therapist."

"I am."

"What you are smacking me?" Tony grinned trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"I am happy, I got family, who meet my desires, who love me unconditionally, I got a kid, plus one on the way." She drank the vanilla one shot. "This artificial vanilla doesnt compare to the real thing."

"i know. That's the same with most things that get replicated. I try to get the real deal whenever I can."

"Why would I smack you anyway." Tal replied, "there are incidences where I know people like it. But I don't see it right now."

Tony rolled her eyes. "Is everything sex with you?"

Taken slightly aback. "I apologize Commander. I don't understand."

"I am sorry. We seem to continue to misunderstand each other and get off on the wrong foot."

"We only have two feet, which foot is the wrong foot." Tal asked curiously.

"It's an earth saying." Tony explained. 'It means that we continue to keep misunderstanding each other."

"Ah I see. Perhaps I can work on that."

"We both should to be honest. I should be nicer to you as well." Tony admitted.

"I've never tried to be no one other than myself, which can be alarming to some."

"Most people have never seen anybody like you." Tony admitted. "And most species are not so open about nudity and sex. Especially humans." She smiled. "So it is uncomfortable for us."

"When I first got onboard the Wellington, and chose to make a life with the crew, I... got in trouble with a lot of people. I forced myself on to many, who didn't want. I was confused. Some were willing, others not so much. Xavier made himself available so that I wouldn't do it to other people. And get in trouble for it." She paused. "At the time it was just something of convenience, we both got something, he was... i don't know what to call it. Emotionless. It was almost nothing for him. Except for the... subject that shall not be named."

Tony just nodded listening to her talk. 'I am so sorry, Talsi. And I am not familiar with the subject that shall not be named."

"Sex, I see how uncomfortable it makes you feel, I am trying to avoid saying it." She paused. "It seemed as if at first it was only that. He wasn't putting his heart into it, which my people usually don't. Its another way of communication, way of telling people we care. But for humans, I have gotten to know... something else was on his mind. It took him a good while before he came around. When I discussed it, all he said was something about missing the right person wrong time. Something like that."

"Oh that." Tony had to smile. "I have always put my career first so I have not had many boyfriends." Tony admitted. "Are you worried about Xavier, Talsi?"

Tal nodded then inquired, "You knew Xavier before, were you the right person wrong time?"

"Oh I doubt that very much. He was my patient many years ago. Nothing more. There may have been some feelings but that can happen when a therapist and patient work as closely together as we did. But I am sure it was no more than that."

"Even if it was Commander, all bonds people have in life, aren't a mistake. Whether anything happens or not, it still creates a powerful partnership."Tal replied. "I have been told by the previous captain that we had on the Wellington, there wasn't many people he opened up to. He did talk about one counsellor that Xavier grew to trust implicitly, and get close to." she now flicked her tail to her side, picking up a book that lay on the table. "This is the book you wrote on the subject,"

"Yes, yes it is. Xavier was one of my case studies for this book. With his permission of course and 99.9% of people would not guess it is about him. That is very important in my work, privacy. Have you.. have you read it?"

"He has the book, keeps it in his office and one in his night stand. He reads it quite often."

"Oh." It made Tony feel strange. She had no idea why he would do that. "I had no idea."

"I had no idea it was about him in the first place until you just said something, but it makes sense now."

"Oh shit." Tony groaned. "I am so sorry." She was mortified at having broken her confidence.

Tal completely unphased. "Apologies for what. It was something that happened, when he was younger, issues never arose, and there was no need to inquire." Tal stated calmly. "The past although a part of us, does not consume us unless we let it. Ive always thought thats what Xavier was doing."

"I should not have confirmed it was about him if he did not tell you so himself. And what you think it consumes him?"

"There is nothing hidden, just not spoken. There is a difference. Being able to read about your past helps to avoid going back to the past. If its in a book, that anyone can read. Is it not already public knowledge. Putting two and two together, it is obviously it is him. I have not told him i did not know it was him."

"I see. Has he spoken to any of it at all with you?"

"Bits. Just mainly about someone who helped him through it, and not being able to where he is going without their help."

"He said he wanted my help?" Tony said softly.

Tal thought. "I am thinking he meant he would not have been able to get where he is going without that person."

She nodded. She could not tell Talsi that Xavier had agreed to more sessions with her. "I am so glad I could help. And I hope that you and I will be friends. And if you want to chat anytime you know where to find me."

"One request. I need help... controlling my inhibitions."

"Is this something you really want." Tony asked honestly. "Or do you feel compelled because you live on a starship?"

"It is creating awkward scenarios, I don't feel I should stop being myself, however its created awkwardness with people, most notably yourself Commander."

"I don't want you to change for me if it is something you really don't want to do. That would be wrong of me to ask. I will live." Tony said. "If you really want some tips on how to adjust yourself in public as the wife of the captain I would be happy to oblige but it is up to you to decide when you want to adapt and when not."

"What is it that I have heard... Resistance is futile. I must assimilate."

"No that is not true. Not in the federation. You can be who you want to be especially in your own home. On duty you may have to make some concessions but not beyond what makes you very uncomfortable." Tony said vehemently.

"So, when i am in my own home, I usually walk around naked, is it reasonable for company to want to remain visiting if i am how I want to be?"

"I guess that depends on the person." Tony said honestly. "For most humanoids it will not be comfortable to see you naked. Hmm what about a compromise? Very skimpy clothing? Would that help?"

Tal thought about it. "I will try that."

"Cool. If you need help I would gladly be of assistance."

"Is there anything you request of me. I know my behavior was not fit as a host last night."

"you are learning our ways. I am sorry if I was not at my best yesterday, I was pretty nervous myself. But I would love to be one of your guides in living amongst us."

"Its been years since i have been amongst the federation, I should have grasped it now."

"Have you ever really tried to fit in?" Tony asked. "Or had a circle of friends willing to help you?"

"I had a circle of friends to help, Xavier one of them. He offered to help, when as I said, i started almost forcing myself onto others. A lot men did, but he wanted more. It was more than the sex he wanted. His whole life he has seemed to be missing something. He has indicated he almost had it, and things didn't seem to be."

" I am glad that he has found you and Sky."

Smiling, "It does have me curious as to what was that it didnt seem to be." Tal admitted.

"I have no idea." Tony said.

Tal smiled. "This isn't a counselling session, so you have my permission to bring up anything you feel the need to with Xavier."

"Thank you. I hope he will let me help this time. Men often find it very hard to open up anyway."

Tal smiled. "If what he said is true, you are the reason he is at where he is now. I would say you did. He has been through a lot. Before me. And he's also had to deal with my... adultery on numerous occasions. At the time I didn't realize why it was wrong."

Tony was surprised. "I thought you were in an open marriage. He seems to have two wives."

"At the beginning, he wasn't as open. We had actually went to counselling to discuss things with Sky and we discussed possibly a third. With him getting CO, meant a lot of time away. My people don't do well without bonding, loneliness. Causes a lot of issues."

"So your marriage was in some trouble before you met Sky?" She inquired.

"With the wellington, it got really lax... even with the losses. We avoided any missions so it was no mission until we reached federation space which took a year in itself. We spent all the time together. I didn't know how exactly federation people lived their lives. Its complicated. So we discussed things. It was only supposed to be an open relationship, not bringing in anyone. But we had a connection to sky."

"So you both feel good about bringing her in. And the Wellington, that must have been very hard on you as well. And scary."

"We are all very happy," Tal replied.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "During all that happened? All the people that died?"

"I thought you were talking about sky"

"I asked if it wasn't scary and hard." Tony said. "I am sorry if I should have been clearer."

"Myself personally, I lost hundreds of my people daily sometimes by the hour by the time I was put in stasis. For myself, it was a regular occurance."

Tony blinked. "Talsi, seeing that as normal is not well... normal."

"It was for me. I knew nothing of what you consider normal."

"That is sad, Talsi. Very sad that so many people dying is normal for you."

"We all die Commander,"

It made her blink. "Have you never grieved for someone?"

"We celebrate briefly, then we move.on."

"That seems... well for humans that would not always be healthy." Tony explained.

"I've come to understand that."

"Is that hard for you to be around?" Tony asked.

"I thing I prefer it my way. But each has their own. "

"Of course. I would not force you into something that does not work for you. But to ask you to understand that humans do need this to be healthy."

"I understand. "

"Good. I hope you will grow used to me after all." Tony smiled.

Tal smiled. "Afterlast night. You seen it at its worst. Can only do better right."

"Yeah. I thought it was me. It did feel like reliving the past to be honest."

Tal cocked her head, "Reliving the past? explain."

"It's just Sloane-Smythe the captain of the De Ruyter and his wife would invite me over for dinner once a week and then spent the evening humiliating and belittling me. So I thought last night that it was turning into something like that."

"My people doesn't believe in belittling. I've heard of your family. I've heard of you. What you have done for Xavier. He thinks highly of you, and has thought often. There is nothing to belittle."

"Well... it is a human hobby to belittle others. That is a reason I did not go into the marine corps. It is no fun if your grandda was the highest marine officer and your dad is working his way up there as well. But even in the fleet I find people who either want to suck up to me or hate my guts because of the family. It does not make it easy to make friends or even trust people."

"I know that I am new, but Xavier, I know is someone who is a good listener."

"And I can't talk to him. He is my patient, he can't be my friend. It's not allowed, I could lose my licence."

Tal looked at her, "Why are you scared? What are you not admitting to yourself."

"Look I maybe XO now but what if I am not good enough. I love being a therapist so I am not going to risk losing my licence."

"Then you learn. Together with Xavier. It's a partnership. You rely on each other. We are not your previous CO. Or based on your reactions, previous people who didn't have faith."

"If Sky or one of the other therapists find out they are bound to report me. I can't and I won't take that risk, Talsi."

"I know sky... she won't."

'But the others? You can't say that for sure."

"Can you aay they will. Prove them wrong ifthey dount you.peoplw smell fear and they hunt it down."

Tony shook her head. "That is not the way I work. I am sorry, Talsi. That is one thing I can't do."

"Very well." Tal replied. "Then i guess we are done here."

"I guess we are." This had been going so good and suddenly rules broke everything up. "You are always welcome here though."

"Im not angry commander. You keep telling other people to open up. Its time.for you to open up to those who would like to liaten."

"I do. As I told you I talk to Sky. And I talked to you. He is the one person on this ship I can't open up to. Why will neither of you understand that."

"Can't or wont."

"Oh for.... Both of you are utterly impossible." Tony muttered. "This topic is closed!"

"Did something happen to both of you in the past you cant talk about."

'No, nothing happened. You do not have to be afraid there is anything between your husband and me. Nothing happened then and nothing will happen now."

"Ok contrary i would not be against it. My people accept thimgs can happen. My people are similar to denobulan. But on a much grander scale. We believe if aomeone enters into the heart its neithwr wrong or shamedul. Ww do not see it as humans do."

She sat down oncw again. "All things considered you seem to be teying to convonce yourself more than me. Even if it did of something did happen it is in the past. There is no shame."

"There would be for me if what you are implying was true. But it isn't. After I finish this round of therapy Xavier and I can be friends. But that is all there is."

"If you wantro be taken seriously asa first officer start thinking of yourself as one commander. Not as a counsellor that needs to fix someone."

"Wow how quickly you have come down to the level of someone who bullies others." Tony said very coldly.

"I see a counsellor wanting to help. What the crew should see is someone ready to take charge. Nothing wrong with either. I believe tou know how to gain your footing. Or else you wouldnt be here."

"Yes. But Xavier needs my help. We agreed on that. Just a few sessions. Then I will back off. I just need to make sure he is ok. I owe him that."

"Owe him for what"

"I was young and inexperienced when I was his therapist last. I need to know I made no mistakes and he came through it all fine. And that he will be able to cope with the other trauma in his life. He agreed to it. This is so much more inportant than me making friends. If you hate me for it so be it. I can live with that, as long as I know I am doing the right thing in the end."

"Hate is not something I am used to. Nor willing to experience."

"That is good to know. I do apologize for being strict."

Tal stood. "I neither agree, nor like it. Why you would choose to avoid friendships is far beyond me, because friendships, and companionships, even the ones where sex is not involved are therapeutic itself."

"I did not write the rules." Tony snapped.

Tal flicked her tail and around her body it went once again. "You need to find balance Commander. You are human, not an android. Companionships are healthy."

"I don't do relationships and I have a few very good friends thank you very much. But none of them are on this ship."

"Then its time for you to make new ones. Like it or not, whether you want to or not. I am considering myself a friend of yours, as you are mine." Tal turned, "As I said, you need someone, you know where to find me." She walked out the door, swiftly.