Meditation

Posted on Mon Oct 17th, 2022 @ 3:55am by Lieutenant Sky Jansen-Carey

Mission: The Lost Brother
Location: Soran’s Quarters

Soran sat quietly in quarters, his eyes were closed and he focused on his breathing. He took a deep breath, he hadn't been able to clear his mind in months.

Arriving outside Soran’s door Sky pressed the chime, she’d been invited by Soran to learn meditation. She just hoped he’d remembered she was coming.

Soran's eye snapped open at sound of the chime, "come?"

Sky entered the room not surprised by the questioning look on Soran’s face. “You forgot I was coming didn’t you?”

"Yes, however I'm glad you're here just the same." He smiled.

Sky smiled warmly. “I guess I should take a seat on the floor opposite you.” She made her way across before settling on the floor opposite Soran. “You did say Xavier was alright with this? Last time I spoke to Tony didn’t agree so I let it drop.”

"Xavier gave permission and I'll deal with Tony if it comes up,"Soran smirked. "Pix and I have called a truce, so I think we're good."

Sky smiled warmly. “I hope so, Pix seems very protective of my baby. Not that I’d do anything to harm him, or her.”

Soran set a device between them and activated it. "This device will monitor our heart rates."

He pointed to the spherical shape on the device. "Right now the color is green, we want to turn blue. You can control your heart rate by focusing on your breathing. I use the breathing exercises when I feel triggered, sometimes it takes me out of the memories. Or at least lessens the impact. When I enter a calm state you might be able to sense my emotions and possibly read my surface thoughts."

He looked at the floor. He wasn't sure how he felt about this, But it couldn't be any worse than what she's already seen.

Sky nodded. “I understand, I’ll do my best not to intrude on your thoughts. When we’re both calm I’d like to try touching your hand if that’s okay?” She paused. “I think it was the emotional turmoil that pulled me into your mind before, it’s never happened with anyone else I’ve touched at least not without effort.”

"That would be fine," he smiled softly. "I should be able to control my thoughts."

Sky nodded. “Okay then, let’s do this. I know all about meditation, but I’ve never actually done it before. I’ll let you guide me.”

"Of course get as comfortable as you can and take slow deep breaths," he pressed the button on the device.

A slow steady ticking sound began like a metronome, "Focus on the sound let thoughts and memories freely pass through your mind."

Sky nodded. Relaxing her posture she listened to the sound as she breathed slowly in and out, closing her eyes in order to focus more fully. The problems were the memories from Soran’s nightmares that she’d seen before, which kept flashing before her eyes, which made her tense up instead of relax.

Soran took a deep breath and focused on a pleasant memory, a gentle smile crossed her face. These memories were easier to access since that night he played music with Pix. He was thinking of the first night he'd spent with Thatha.

Sky relaxed, picking up on the happier memories and emotions from Soran. She needed to learn to control the bad memories, that was what this meditation was all about.

"Sometimes having a word that you say to yourself can help." Soran said softly. He took another deep breath and let his thoughts go.

Sky nodded. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to be picking up on Soran’s thoughts or learning to control her own. “Am I supposed to be controlling what’s in my own mind? Or picking up on what’s going through yours?”

"Both" Soran smiled. "Sometimes the best way to break out of a negative thought cycle it's the focus on someone else. This exercise allows for for both."

Sky nodded. “In that case let’s start again, I’ll try not to keep asking questions this time.”

Soran nodded. "We can begin again, but ask as many questions as you need and I will try to be as patient as my mentors were with me."

Sky nodded and smiled. “Thank you, I’m not the best at this kind of thing given that I’m a Counsellor!”

"You're welcome," he took a deep breath. "Bring it back to your breath, that is essence of life."

Sky nodded. Relaxing her body posture she concentrated on her breathing as Soran had told her.

Soran took a deep breath and could see Thatha's face before him. She was laughing, her emerald eyes glistened in the dim light, her red curly hair framed her elegant face. They were dancing at a bar the night before they shipped out. As the music slowed he pulled her in and held her close, she put a hand on the back of his neck and pulled him in for a kiss. He closed his eyes savoring the moment then the scene melted away as he inhaled…

Sky smiled as she picked up on Soran’s surface thoughts as he relaxed, she could see how happy he’d been at that moment, before the image melted away.

Then he was holding Thatha on that last night there was an oxygen mask on her face, he heard her final breath. He blinked and for a second it was Tony's lifeless body laying in his arms… He tried to push thought out of head, but there it was, his greatest fear… He took a deep breath, but was no use his heart was elevating ...

Sky was feeling a difference now, the change in the mood and the vision as she tried to catch it. Seeing a fleeting vision of Tony lying there lifeless in Soran’s vision before he pushed it away. She took a deep breath refocusing on settling her own demons, that was why she was here learning the meditation.

Soran recalled the vision pix had given him and began to center himself once more he could feel his heart rate lowering again. He relaxed his shoulders and slowed his breath.

Sky relaxed as well as she thought of happy times with Xavier and Tal, and the joy of being pregnant again after losing the child she’d been carrying of Talsi’s.

Soran smiled pleasanty there was a synergy to their feelings, he took a another deep breath. He had a flash of memory; he was dancing with Tony at a diplomatic function. He could see how she looked at him and wondered why it had taken him so long to see that they loved each other.

Sky smiled warmly. She didn’t open her eyes as she spoke. “May I try touching your hand? I don’t think it’ll have any effect now.”

"That would be fine," Soran breathed and extended his hand.

Sky reached out her hand, she paused for a moment before gently lowering it onto Soran’s. She breathed a sigh of relief as nothing happened. “Well I think we’ve proved it was the heightened emotional state that drew me into your mind. I’m not being drawn in now.”

"Good," Soran smiled.

Sky opened her eyes looking curiously at Soran. “So what now with the meditation? I wasn’t expecting to be able to view your surface thoughts. I wasn’t even trying.”

He shrugged, "I'm not surprised, I learned these techniques from a Haliian she was able to read my thoughts as well. She calms my mind the way I calmed yours"

Sky nodded. “That makes sense, this isn’t the kind of meditation I was expecting. I thought I’d just be sat in front of a candle, focussing on clearing my mind. This is much better.”

"I'm glad you think so," he smiled. "This is how I learned to release from my mind."

“It’s definitely more beneficial, I feel more relaxed than I did.” Sky paused for a moment. “How do you deal with your nightmares when they happen? Just meditate on happier memories?”

"First I ground myself in the present moment," Soran explained. "That's what breathing techniques are for, then focusing on something pleasant helps with my mood. Having photographic memory helps."

“I’ve no doubt that it does!” Sky grinned. “Thank you for this Ren.”

"You're welcome," he smiled. "This is also how I ruled out things in my own head, I think you saw what I'm afraid of I know that it's really irrational, but just about everyone I became close to from my adolescence to early adulthood it's gone now.”

Sky nodded. “I understand, you’re afraid of losing the woman you love. I’m afraid of losing what I have as well. It was only when I found out I was pregnant again, after losing Tal’s baby, that I realised that I can’t let fear control me. I’m living my life to the full, because you never know what life has in store. Enjoy what you have Ren, be together and be happy!”

"I'm not as brave as I used to be," he hung his head. "When Tony and I were that away on the away mission I wanted to beam her back up to the support vessel as soon as things got hot."

“I’m not surprised, but don’t let that fear control you.” Sky gently took his hand offering some support. “The two of you love one another, let that love guide you. Be with her, hell marry her!” Sky grinned.

Soran laughed nervously, "whoa slow down there. I'm still trying to figure out what she sees in me."

Sky laughed as she withdrew her hand. “Sorry! Just call me an incurable romantic.”

"Her family loves me, but they're concerned because they think I'm some sort of horn dog. When in truth I guess you'd call me as a serial monogamist, he paused for moment. "Thatha was my longest relationship, though we did use the distance rule."

“The distance rule?” Sky looked at Soran curiously. “can’t say I’ve heard of that one.”

"The distance rule is a tradition of my people from our early days of space travel, When you are separated from your partner for a considerable length of time seeking carnal comfort in others is permitted. I doubt Tony or her family would be okay with that and I accept that as well."

Sky nodded. “True, it’s not something that Human families believe in. If you’re seriously involved with someone seeing someone else would be a betrayal.”

"That depends on the human family's understanding of relationships," he explained. "Some human cultures have different views on that, that's why communication is important. I've never cheated on anyone, though I've had a few awkward misunderstandings."

“You’re very true, it does depend on personal view. Hell I never thought I’d end up part of a three way relationship!” Sky grinned. “Anyway thank you for the meditation session, I think I’ve gotten enough off track for this lesson. I’d like to do this again though.”

"Anytime and I'll try keep my thoughts on point next time."

Sky nodded. “That doesn’t matter, I’ve enjoyed our talk today. I just hope it’s helped.”

'It did," Soran smiled. "Thank you."

“My pleasure Ren” Sky smiled warmly.

{OFF}