Old Wounds

Posted on Thu Oct 13th, 2022 @ 6:11am by Commander Antonia 'Tony" Stoffels

Mission: The Lost Brother

Soren walked into his office he practically fell into his chair, he was pretty shaken. The mission had been difficult and brought up a lot of difficult memories and emotions. He'd made sure the wounded staff had gotten to Sickbay and gotten out of there as soon as he was able. He poured himself a glass of medicinal whiskey, the liquor burned in pleasant way. He closed his eyes and let and focused on his breathing. He was grateful that everyone had survived, but he couldn't quite the memories in his head.

Tony walked in a little later. There was very little she could do for her brother now. The doctors had told her it would be a while before she could talk to him, the same for Tasin. She had made sure her mother was taken care off, of course she had shrugged off her arm wound as just a scratch, but she would be fine. Something told her to check on Ren now as well. So she hit the chime to his office.

Soran put the bottle and glass back where he got them.

"Come," he said.

Tony walked in and took a seat at the other side of his desk. "You left sickbay pretty quickly, did you let the doc check you out?"

"A nurse cleared me for lite duty, I'll go back when the Doctor less busy." He explained as he cleaned his rifle.

She nodded and waited a few seconds. This was difficult territory as she had not been his therapist for many a year now. "You would tell me right? If .. you know ... if you needed to talk about stuff."

"You have questions, ask them." He said not looking up from his work.

She drew a deep breath. "First, what the hell is up with you and Drew? And second... you may not want to reply to the second bit... but was this hard for you? Did it bring back memories?"

"You remember those advanced combat courses I helped with when I was in the Academy. Your father and grandfather convinced me to teach a course to a group of Marines, Drew was one of them. He was bigoted against me for being an argument and didn't like being taught by a 'flight monkey.' We had an incident in class that got him removed after I broke his wrist, a few weeks later he tried to jump me outside of a bar with a couple of mates. I'm not sure how he stayed in the Marine Corps after that but the mark on his record kept him off the command track. He blamed me," Soran said. "I guess it doesn't help that I slept with his cousin, in my defense I didn't know who she was at the time."

She fought the impulse to roll her eyes. "I could have guessed a woman was involved. Damn Ren! And you know that if you tell dad you really don't want to do something he won't make you. He respects you."

"I had no problem teaching Marines, as a general rule I get along with them as they aren't pricks." Soran shook his head. "As for Drew's cousin, we're still friends. I was invited to her wedding and he wasn't. She married a lovely woman."

"Ah." It made Tony smile. "One day you have to tell me more about that story."

He chuckled and nodded, but before he could say anymore…

"What about the second part of my question?"

"What do you want me to say? I don't need to burden others with that shit." He looked her in the eye. "We had a saying, it translates; The hell we see lives in our hearts. You were there, you saw what I did. That's what I'm good at… Yeah it brought some things back, that's the price I pay to protect others."

She leaned forward in her chair. "You should have told me sooner, or someone, Ren. I thought you trusted me when we worked together."

"It's not about trust, you had my back and that's what made what we did possible." Soran said. "Memories were the least of my worries. I do trust you doesn't mean I want to drag you into this."

"To be honest it does make me feel like I did not finish my job." Tony said. "If you are still having problems. I hate to see you in any kind of pain."

"You don't get over it," he sighed. "You get through it, the pain is just part of the process. I'm gad that I'm not alone, even when there isn't anything that can be done."

"I know you never get over it completely." Tony said. "But it should be easier than this. It was when we stopped working together, I know it was."

"What part of the capitating one man is supposed to be easy!? What kind of a fucking sociopath are you trying to turn me into!?" Soran growled.

"Not that. The dealing with it afterwards. Hell Ren if it affects you this much you can't keep doing this job."

"How do you know what I am and I'm not dealing with? It's been less than an hour since we've gotten back on to the fucking ship! Back off!" He was shouting now.

She blinked and shot back as if he had physically hit her. Emotions spread over her face, and finally she felt how bloody tired she was. All the emotions of the last couple of days finally coming out and the doubt. The doubt that since she had gone on the command track she was not a good officer anymore. "Right... yes of course, sorry... I'll see you." Tony ran for the door before she could start crying.

"Wait, please,." Soran hung his head. " You don't deserve that. You're probably as screwed up as I am."

The Angosian felt ashamed of l lashing out at his friend that way, this was the behavior that had ended so many relationships. He focused on his breathing to bring his heart rate down. He could feel his skin tingling he closed his eyes. He adrenaline rush had abandoned him and was spent.

She stopped just before opening the door and leaned her head against it. "It's not you. I should apologize, Ren. I am trying to help but I think I have lost my touch to do the right thing."

He stood up and walked over to Tony and offered her hug. "I doubt you've lost your touch..."

"Oh Ren. I should not have pushed." The tears were coming now.

"Your as traumatized as I am, perhaps more." He said quietly.

"Nonsense." she tried to wipe her eyes. "What I have seen in my life can't compare to all you have gone through."

"Exactly, I've done this before." Soran whispered. "No amount of stories are training prepare you for the kind of hell we fell into down there. My first commander helped me through my early battles, sometimes I still hear his voice when the fighting is done. I miss him... Gods I miss them all."

"I have heard enough stories, Ren, and I have seen things." But never in combat herself and suddenly the headless klingon flashed through her mind and before she knew it she was throwing up all over Wagnor.

"Wow," Soran said. "I needed to change my uniform anyway. Are you ok?"

=^= Zeirth to Wagnor, is everything alright? I heard shouting.

"As you were," Wagnor sighed. "Thank you."

Tony's eyes were just huge as she looked at him. "I... Oh god... I am so sorry, Ren. It suddenly, .... that Klingon..." Her stomach protested again but there was nothing left to come up. And she started to shiver.

Most of the vomit had hit the tactical vest so sore and removed it and set it aside. He replicated a small bucket and handed it to Tony. "Have a seat, before you fall down."

He moved to his desk and got out of a small bottle and poured a few ounces into it's cap. "Here rince you're mouth out of this you can spit it if you like."

"Thank you." She managed sitting down feeling miserable and still shivering and did as he had told her to do. Tony really hated herself right now for being a silly weepy female.

"You're doing well I've seen Marines and Special OPS pass out after the 1st engagement." He smiled.

"But I am a trauma specialist, Ren! This should not phase me. One combat experience and I am a mess. If I were my own patient I would think I was going into delayed shock." She shivered. "I am a ninny!"

"In my opinion that's exactly what's going on," He said quietly. "From the way you perform there no one can call you a ninny. You're a good companionate person and this is a reasonable reaction."

She blinked. "You may be right, this may be shock.' Fumbling she tried to take her own pulse. "Am I clammy, dilated pupils?"

"Hold on," Soran said and retrieved a medkit from his cabinet. He got a tricorder and began scanning. "Looks more like battle fatigue. I strongly suggest you get a second opinion I'm only trying to get a battle medic, You're not going to die and if you were in the field I'd tell you to get some sleep. You should see the doctor I'll do the same later."

"Sleep sounds like a good plan." Tony said. "I should drink hot fluids and then sleep." She mumbled and tried to get to her feet.

Soran help her to her feet. "Can you make it to your quarters OK? Or would you like an escort?"

"Oh I am fine." She said while almost losing her footing as she wobbled to the door obviously not fine.

He stepped out the door with her and nodded to the staff, he looked to the officer on desk duty. The commanders having trouble with a security code on her door, I'm going to inspect it."

she gave him a grateful look and tried to walk through the corridors without his support. "I feel so tired suddenly. And Ren you should have seen mom, I will never be like her."

"She won't admit it but I'm betting your mother's early combat reactions were similar to yours right now," Soran chuckled. Besides let's see how your mother does in counseling department with a full schedule of patience before you make any comparisons."

"She would drive those poor patients cracy. You know she has no patience whatsoever." Tony smiled an yawned.

"You're two strong women in different ways," he smiled.

"I hope I am." She leaned against the wall as they came to her quarters. "Thank you, Ren."

"Do you have it from here or should I tuck you in?" Soran said with an impish grin.

She felt a tug in her stomach. But he had a girlfriend now. This was too painfull. "I'll manage." She grumbled and almost fell again when she let go of the wall.

"I'm taking you as far as the couch," He sighed. "I swear one these days you'll fall on that hard ahead of yours and crack it open."

A bitter sweet feeling of nostalgia came over him as he said those words, those are the words that have been said to him so many times.

It did make Tony laugh. "Don't quote uncle Wain at me. I will be fine with a night of sleep. But I would prefer my bed."

"That's just a few more steps I'll go ahead and take you there," he smiled.

"Thank you." She crashed face down on her bed still too tired and a little nauseated that she was not going to risk getting undressed.

Soran gently shifted her weight so that she was on her side and put a the blanket over her. He left the room quietly, he was also exhausted. He was grateful that his team had come out alive.