Tony's session

Posted on Mon May 2nd, 2022 @ 12:08am by Commander Antonia 'Tony" Stoffels & Lieutenant Sky Jansen-Carey

Mission: Free write
Location: sky's office

Tony had not slept well and had been on a very early shift so by the time she came to Sky's office for her session she felt a little like death warmed over. As she did not know if Sky was seeing someone she took a seat in the small waiting area and tried to concentrate on reading a holo magazine.

Sky was feeling somewhat off colour herself thanks to morning sickness, on the table her cup of ginger tea sat cooling whilst she chewed on a ginger biscuit. She offered the best smile she could muster as she popped her head out of her office door. “Good Morning Tony, please come in.”

Tony got to her feet and walked in. "Morning, Sky." Then she took a closer look at the other woman as she sat down. "Rough one today?"

Sky nodded. “Pretty much” She took a seat and sipped her ginger tea. “I’m trying the ginger tea and biscuits, to see if it works.” She motioned Tony to a seat. “Please take a seat, the replicator is all yours if you want anything.”

"Thanks." She got herself some hot tea and a cookie as well just not ginger. She hated the taste of ginger. "Are you coping?" Seeing the other woman look so miserable immediately brought out the therapist in her.

Sky gave a nod. “I’m doing okay, it’s just getting used to what settles my stomach.” She smiled. “I’ll try not to go disappearing on you during our session.”

"Are you really up for it? We could just go for an early lunch. Or I could give you a massage?"

“No it’s fine” Sky waved off Tony’s concerns. “It’s time for your session and we will get it done. Then we’ll go to lunch.” She smiled warmly.

"Ok." Tony took her tea and then sat down in the therapy corner. She stretched her legs out and exhaled. "I think I am a terrible XO." She then started.

Sky looked at Tony in surprise. “What on Earth makes you think that?”

"There is so much to learn and I feel I make mistakes. And then I am afraid to get punished. So I feel anxious the whole time. My brain knows the captain means well and he is a good teacher. But it is hard to get what happened on my previous ship out of my head."

Sky nodded understandingly as she chewed on a ginger biscuit. “What you went through on your last ship was obviously very traumatic, it was always going to be hard moving on from that but you have moved on. I can understand your worries about making mistakes, they happen, you just need to move past them and move on.”

"I am trying but it is taking so much energy. I am exhausted all the time and I also need to focus for Xavier's therapy." She rubbed her eyes. "Pix is helping me sleep well. So I have that at least."

Sky smiled, “Pix is a marvel, she helped me in a way I’ve never experienced before! As for you, I’d normally suggest regular sessions but we’re just starting that. Would it help you to include Xavier in one of your sessions? Just so that he understands what it is you’re facing.”

"Normally hell yes. But I don't want him to know I feel so vulnerable. Several reasons, he needs to relax and think the ship is in safe hands with me. And he is still my patient. That would be confusing as hell." She groaned and burried her head in her hands. "Maybe I should just resign give up a career in the navy and just try to have a normal life."

“Don’t you dare!” Sky shook her head. “It may not feel like it now, but you’ll get past this.”

"Yeah. I feel like a split personality right now and I don't like that feeling. I feel like I am two different people around the captain. And then on top of that I am afraid of screwing up. That is exhausting."

“Stop acting like two people then” Sky gave Tony a knowing look. “You can’t pretend to be what you’re not. You keep telling Xavier to stop pretending that everything is okay, when you’re dong it yourself. You have to accept your fears, face them and move on. I’m here for you when you need me.”

"But he needs to see me as this infallible being that can help him. How would he trust me if he knew that I have my own insecurities?"

“I don’t think you’d let your insecurities put this ship, its crew or families in danger.” Sky offered a reassuring smile. “I’d be worried if you didn’t have concerns.”

"When we practiced I did not get a 100% rate."

Sky nodded. “May I ask what rate you did get?”

"95." Tony muttered.

“95!” Sky looked surprised. “I’d be ecstatic with a 95% pass rate! That’s really good.”

"You would?" Tony seemed genuinely surprised. Her dad had always been the only one who seemed genuinely happy when she came home with anything not 100%. Her mum had had that look and granddad. He would have had this smile that told her it was not good enough whatever he said.

“Of course!” Sky nodded and smiled. “95% is an excellent pass rate! Have you never been told that before?”

"Uhm. My mom would not really say anything when I had less than a 100% score. Dad would say I did great but I was never sure he really meant it. Grandpa was always really kind and would say that he was sure I would nail it next time. So I don't really accept anything less than perfect for myself."

“No one is perfect Tony” Sky offered an understanding smile. “You can only do your best, and your score is fantastic! I don’t think I’ve ever made 95% my highest was around 92% or 93% if I remember correctly.”

"Really? And your parents were ok with that? That's amazing. So you don't think Xavier is dissapointed with my scores?"

“Disappointed?” Sky shook her head. “I doubt it Tony, no one is perfect you should know that. If Xavier had worries about your performance he’d say so. He’s not going to accept an XO he doesn’t trust, and he’s accepted you.”

She exhaled. "After my former captain... I thought I was such a failure. Now I know I am a good therapist, I have been good at everything I have tried. The thought of failure is so terrifying.”

“I know it is” Sky nodded. “I’m responsible for a single patient at a time, you’re responsible for the entire ship! That’s a lot of responsibility. You’re in a high stress role, hence why you’re here talking to me. You need to let yourself go Tony, do what feels right. Trust your instincts.”

"Let go?" She snorted. "How do you do that?"

“I guess for someone whose not used to it, that’s a very good question” Sky grinned. “You need to stop doubting yourself, you are a good officer Tony.”

"You know I can tell my patients to relax and to see themselves as good enough. But when it comes to me, I don't have a clue."

“Then we go to the holodeck together sometime soon and have some fun!” Sky grinned. “We could go to the beach, or go for a massage, maybe a picnic! The possibilities are endless. It’s a good way of relaxing.”

"Ok. That sounds better than trying it on my own." She smiled. "Besides you need to relax as well."

Sky nodded. “Indeed I do. So how’s about we meet up after shift tomorrow? Let our hair down and enjoy some fun?”

"Cool. But you do have to teach me how to do that. I think I missed the rebelious phase. I was always a good daughter, a good student and a good officer."

“In that case we’ll have some wreckless fun!” Sky grinned. “I would take you rock climbing but not in my condition, not even on the holodeck! So some fun on the beach, a little volleyball and maybe a swim in the sea.”

"That sounds awesome." Tony had to agree. And she actually was feeling a bit better already.

“Great!” Sky grinned. “See you’re feeling better aren’t you?”

"I guess so doc." In a way she was working right now as well assessing how good a therapist Sky was.

“I know it’s not going to be an easy fix Tony, but small steps.” Sky smiled. “It’s better to have small victories than colossal failures.”

"Totally agree with you there. That is usually my approach as well." She admitted.

“Well there you go” Sky smiled warmly. “We’re both on the same page.”

"And it will be good for both of us to do some relaxing." Tony winked.

Sky nodded and grinned. “Ohh now that I agree with, relaxing with Xavier and Tal is always stress relieving.”

"I have to take your word for that." Tony said. She never had a really long term relationship.

“You’ll see what I mean one day” Sky offered an understanding smile. “Trust me I never thought I’d ever be in a relationship with a couple.”

"I can't even imagine that." Tony said honestly. "Not sure I want to know. I mean I am fine with what you do. It just isn't for me."

“It’s not everybody’s cup of tea, as the saying goes!” Sky grinned. “It’s new for me too, but I’m enjoying it.”

"And that is the most important thing." Tony agreed. "That everyone in the relationship is happy."

Sky nodded. “Now is there anything else you’d like to talk about right now?”

"nope. Let's go and get lunch. I am starving. And I hope you will be able to hold something down as well."

“Me too!” Sky smiled. “Small and often as the advice goes about eating while you have morning sickness.”

END