Counselling

Posted on Mon Aug 1st, 2022 @ 3:07pm by Lieutenant Sky Jansen-Carey

Mission: The Lost Brother
Location: Counsellor’s office

{ON}

Soran woke up before his again, he sighed. He moved to the sonic shower, he turned it all the way up. He had had the acoustic inverter adjusted to increase its intensity. He closed his eyes and let the sonic waves go deep into his flesh. He could feel all of his hair stand on end and feel the vibrations in his jaw and gums. It wasn't as intense as the ones Angosian military used, but it was as close as he could get without someone insisting it was a health risk. 'Federation regulations were so soft,' he remembered the fight he had with his last girlfriend over the shower. Because he'd forgotten to change the setting where she liked it. Sara tried to jump out, hit her head and ended up in the medbay. Concussions are a real mood killer, it was also the last time they'd tried to shower together. All he could think to say was; "at least I leave the seat down." He ended up sleeping alone for a week.

That wasn't just his best moment, he missed Sara. He didn't know why he always ended up alone, part of him wondered if it was because he didn't deserve to be happy. He thought as he stropped his razor and prepped his face for a shave. Sara had told him he was going to cut his jugular vein but it was his grooming ritual long before they met and would be long after. Was he set in his ways to let anyone in…

"Reminder you have an appointment with Lieutenant Jenson." The computer reported.

Soran sighed, finished shaving and got dressed to headed to her office.

Sky was already in her office going over the day’s appointment schedule. She wondered how things with Soran were going to go, was she too close to be objective? She wasn’t honestly sure.

Soran entered the room and moved to the replicator and got himself a coffee. He took his seat and looked to Sky. "How are you?"

Sky offered a shrug of her shoulders as she took her seat. “To be honest I’m not 100% sure yet, lets just say I’m getting there.” She offered a smile. “Anyway it’s you we’re here to talk about Ren, it’s your Counselling session.”

"I've been out of sorts lately, but this last week has been different." He looked sad. Didn't realize until yesterday that a dear departed friend's birthday was three days ago. That has brought a lot of useless what ifs."

Sky nodded. “I can imagine how difficult that must be. May I ask more about your friend? What it is that made the two of you close?”

"Thatha," he said. "I believe you saw her in my memories, she was my first serious relationship."

Sky nodded. “Ohh yes, I remember her.” She offered a warm smile. “She gave you the nickname that you allow me to use.”

"At the Defence school always stood up for me against bigotry that comes from being an orphan. Among my people there's a stigma against those who don't have parents." Soran smiled at the memory. "I could take care of myself, but it's good to have an ally."

Sky nodded. “You can tell me more about that in a minute, but let’s face those what if’s first shall we?”

"I wonder what would have happened had she survived?" He looked down, "would we have stayed together?”

Sky offered an understanding smile. “From what I saw of her in your mind, she seemed happy to be with you Ren. Perhaps the two of you would have been together, perhaps not. Have you felt that way around anyone else since?”

"I don't know that anything compares to a first love, our relationship was complicated. I've had similar relationships with others, nothing that's lasted very long. My last relationship was about a year, I thought we were going to make it work."

Sky nodded. “Was there a particular reason as to why that relationship ended?”

Soran paused, "I'm still trying to piece that together. We were doing okay until the Lister got into an engagement with the Klingons, a mutual friend was killed. She took Patrick's death hard, so I tried to help her."

He shook his head, remembering the way Sara had screamed when she saw Pat's headless body.

“Perhaps she just wasn’t ready Ren” Sky offered an understanding gaze. “Reasons are not always what you might think, things can be complicated in so many ways.”

"True," He nodded. "She seemed to resent me for not being as emotional about the loss of our friend. We had a few recurring issues before that, but everything fell apart with both of us greiving in different ways."

Sky nodded. “I see, she thought you didn’t care because you didn’t show what you were feeling. I can see how that could be misinterpreted.”

"You get numb to it," he said quietly. "Sometimes I don't feel anything, I just throw myself into my work. I know it hurt her when I couldn't give her the care she needed."

Sky nodded. “I understand. Did you try to explain to her? Tell her why?”

"Yes, she asked if this is what it would be like whenever she's grieving. She said she didn't think she could be with someone so cold." He sighed in frustration, "I didn't have an answer, That wasn't the first time she's called me cold. It was the time that hurt the worst."

Sky shook her head. “I can imagine how that must have felt.” She paused. “I’m sorry Ren, I wish I’d have been around to help you both back then.”

"She won't have gone to therapy unless ordered and I wasn't that brave." He sighed.

Sky nodded. “Well you are now. It’s a big step talking to a Counsellor, but with what happened between us you now have a Counsellor who understands you better than ever before.”

"True," Soran nodded. "Sometimes I feel like a lost cause."

Sky shook her head. “You most definitely are not a lost cause Ren! Don’t go thinking that. I think myself fortunate to be your friend, and Counsellor.”

"I'm referring more to my love life than general," Soran looked at the floor. "Things always seem to go south."

“Perhaps you just need to find a woman you can open up to.” Sky offered an understanding smile. “Relationships work both ways, just be honest and open. That way any woman you may choose will know what to expect.”

"It's been a lot more complicated than that at times, Sara and I were having some intimate issues." He didn't look at her; he felt weird bringing this up. "That's another reason she said I was cold."

Sky nodded. “I see. Did the two of you try talking about it? Or did you find it too embarrassing to talk openly about?”

"We tried to discuss it, it's not easy to admit that I have a lower libido than my partner. It was never an issue with my casual relationships, but when I'm looking for a serious relationship... I wonder if the issue is me or if I just have a thing for…"

He paused trying to think of a tasteful term. "Active women."

Sky couldn’t help but smile. “Maybe you just have a preference you aren’t consciously aware of. Maybe you prefer a woman that would be more ... in control? One that wouldn’t wait for you to take the lead?”

"I've always found social situations a little difficult and has definitely bled over into my love life," he sighed. "Sara said she was tired of always being one to initiate things."

Sky nodded. “I guess I can understand that, we women do tend to like it when the men take control of things.” She smiled thinking of Xavier. “Maybe there’s something the doctor can do to help with your libido?”

He blushed slightly. "At the moment it's not really an issue, but the last doctor I talked to said there wasn't anything wrong."

Sky nodded. “Okay so perhaps it’s more on the psychological side, than the physical. That we can deal with.”

"Perhaps," he smiled.

Sky nodded. “Would you like to give it a break here for now? or would you like to talk more? I don’t usually press my patients into a long session.”

"I appreciate that," Soran smiled. "Let’s leave it here."

Sky nodded. “That’s fine. You’ve talked about a lot today Soran. It’s a good start.”

Soran nodded as he got up and exided the room.

{OFF}