He made me go

Posted on Wed Nov 9th, 2022 @ 5:36pm by Lieutenant Sky Jansen-Carey & Commander Antonia 'Tony" Stoffels

Mission: Traitor amongst us?
Location: counselling office

Tony barged into Sky's office. Of course she had made sure Sky was not with a patient.

"The captain has ordered me to see you. And of course because I need him to come to me when I tell him to I could not refuse." She said pacing around and acting just a little hyper. "Now I don't think I need it for what he sent me here for. You know I am dealing really well with the fact that I have both my parents on board hovering over me, and being exactly in a position I did not want to be in. My brother having a mental breakdown and not seeing any of us. My grandfather being a total ass and making things a great deal more difficult." She came up for air. "But a conversation I just had with commander Doctrine made me realize I may have been suffering from PSTD since I was four and I have never done anything with it. So do you have a minute?"

Sky smiled as she looked at Tony. “For you, I always have a minute Tony. Might I suggest you sit down though, before my rug ends up with a trench in it.”

"Oh so sorry." Tony said distracted and sat down.

“You’re pretty hyper” Sky took a seat as she looked at Tony. “To me that says you’re pretty nervous, I’d go so far as to say upset.”

"Hell yes I am upset. I have PTSD and I did not figure it out till now. I thought it was normal, it was me. But it was not. It is not normal to live your life afraid of being attacked and looking over your shoulder is it?"

Sky shook her head. “No, it isn’t but don’t be too hard on yourself. Now you’ve made that realisation, that connection, we can start working on it. I would ask how you know you have PTSD but you’re a therapist yourself, as such I trust in your judgement.”

"Yeah I have just ignored it all these years." she exhaled and rubbed her temples. "It is probably a mild case. but I thought you should know."

Sky nodded. “Even mild cases can be detrimental if not dealt with.” She offered a comforting smile. “So this discussion you had with Commander Doctrine, can you tell me about it?”

"Some of it is classified. But she asked me something that had me thinking back to my youth. Something that happened when I was four. I nearly died then and spend months in hospitals and rehab. And since then I now realise the world has never felt like a safe place to me anymore. I always look over my shoulder. I have learnt to live with it and maybe this is normal. It just made me think. And since Xavier made me come and see you anyway..." She shrugged feeling oddly deflated now she had shared this memory.

Sky nodded as she listened. Her empathic senses were telling her that Tony was anxious, she was visually highly strung, and exhaustion wasn’t helping either. “Okay, are you allowed to tell me what this something was that happened to you when you were four?”

"Bomb attack on my house and that of my best friend. Her little sister died in it. We were lucky and survived but we were both severely injured."

“Heavens!” Sky was shocked. “I had no idea... you’ve been hanging onto the emotional backlash of that day ever since? Without really thinking about it?”

"Yeah. Aunt Denise made me talk to a child psychologist for a few times and that was it. I think we were all of is so highly strung that we did not realise it in each other. Our families have lived with the fear of assassinations for so long now. It's become second nature."

Sky nodded. “I can’t imagine what that must be like, to feel like you have to watch your back all the time” she shook her head. “So, how do you feel? I mean truly feel.”

She paused for a few seconds. "Tired. Bone tired to be honest."

“You must be exhausted Tony, and you can’t keep going like that” Sky offered her friend an understanding smile. “You can’t be an Exec and be forever trying to watch your own back.”

"I know. What's happening is bringing it all back and I am not sleeping well. But I can't fix this overnight and I am not giving up my job."

Sky nodded. “We’ll just keep to regular counselling sessions, I can still see you even if I’m at home resting.”

"I think that would be wise." She rubbed her face. "I am so scared... for my family... for Ren... and I need to function."

“I know you do Tony, and I’ll do all that I can to help you” Sky smiled at her friend.

"Thanks. I know. Just wished for a good night's sleep, but I keep worrying when I try to sleep."

“That I can understand” Sky nodded. “You’ve been dealing with this for so long, it’s become second nature to you. That’s going to take some changing. With recent events it’s just proving that you’re right to worry, which isn’t what we need.”

"Hell no. It has been quiet for years now, I was hoping that we were past this that it had worked itself out." She looked at Sky. "I know you are not a fan of pills but could you give me sleeping pills for just one or two nights?"

Sky nodded. “Just for a couple of nights, then we need to sit down and talk. You can’t live on sleeping pills.”

"I know." She sighed. "I know, but I can't really do therapy or function when I am this tired. and I don't want to worry Ren. He has enough on his plate as it is."

Sky nodded. “Okay, I’ll authorise the replicator to dispense what you need. Right now I want you to go home, and I want you to get some sleep. I don’t mean a cat nap! I mean proper sleep! You can’t function as XO of this ship in your current condition.”

"Yes ma'am." Tony said. "I am all for it and I am sleeping alone tonight. No snoring next to me."

Sky grinned. “So Ren snores huh? I know that feeling!”

"Snoring, even breathing can drive me up the wall some nights when I can't sleep. I am so not used to sharing my space. I love him, and I want to be with him so I am going to conquer this and he can't know." She said quickly. "I don't want him to think I don't want him."

Sky nodded. “Ren knows how much you love him Tony, as for being ‘driven up the wall’ we can work on that too.”

"Yeah, not many people my age have never had a serious relationship. It's not making it easier for me."

“There’s a first time for everything, as the saying goes!” Sky smiled before massaging her temples. “Sorry... headache, I’ve had it on and off for a couple of days.”

In a second Tony switched from patient to counsellor. "A few days and you are only just now telling. You have told your doctor haven't you?"

“Not yet, but I have to drop in to see Rutherford for my check up anyway.” Sky smiled. “Stop worrying, I’m fine! Besides this is your counselling session.”

'Yes but you are also my friend and I do worry. You should have told us sooner. Remember you promising that?"

Sky nodded guiltily. “I remember. Okay I’ll put my feet up until I go and see Rutherford, take a break and chill for a little while. How’s that?”

"As long as you promise to see him today and to take it easy until then." Tony said mocksternly. "and I will go and sleep for a long time now."

“I promise! You can check on me to make sure once you’re rested.” Sky grinned.

"I am sure I will." Tony smiled as well.

Sky nodded. “In that case I’ll see you later.”

"Absolutely." Tony gave a parting wave and then made her way to her own quarters.

{OFF}