after dinner

Posted on Fri Mar 18th, 2022 @ 12:45pm by Lieutenant Sky Jansen-Carey & Commander Antonia 'Tony" Stoffels

Mission: Free write
Location: Counselling office
Timeline: the next morning

The next day Tony walked to Sky's office in the counselling department to have another chat. She would have preferred to do it off duty but she did not want to talk to Sky with other members of the family present so she hit the chime to the office again making sure first she was not seeing patients.

Answering the door Sky wasn’t surprised to see Tony at the door. “Commander, please come in. What can I do for you?”

"Tony please. I just wanted to make sure there are no hard feelings after the dinner last night. I really was not questioning your ability to work with a patient."

“No hard feelings at all” Sky smiled as she motioned Tony to a seat. “I’m not your usual Counsellor when it comes to my approach with patients.”

"Can you tell me about it? I get not wanting to know about your patient beforehand and going in with a clean slate and yet it is important. I sometimes only read them after a first meeting, but in the end I always read them."

Sky nodded. "I do read personnel files, but I don't tend to go over and over prior events. If there's a matter that I feel needs to be covered and talked about again then that's what I do. I like my patients to feel they can walk in here and not face the fifth amendment over things that have happened in their past."

"I see and I get it for the most part. But I had not been practicing long when I became Xavier's therapist. And his was not an easy case, it was pretty intense. For me it is very important to now ascertain that I made no mistakes. That I was really able to help him. I spend hours in supervision going over my therapeutic decisions."

"I can understand that" Sky nodded. "If it helps I haven't noticed any behaviour from Xavier that would worry me. Since I've been a part of his life with Talsi I've been closer than any therapist would be, I've not noted anything to worry about."

"That is good to hear." She said. "We have agreed on a few sessions together. Just to ease my mind." She leaned back. "How do you do it? Be in a relationship with two people?"

Sky grinned. "To be honest I was already attracted to Xavier, Talsi was a whole new experience but together our relationship is amazing!.

"How does the crew react to it? I know not every culture is this broadminded."

Sky shrugged her shoulders. "They don't really know yet, it's not like I'm married to Xavier. I'm guessing the rumour mill will get going once we're seen together in public."

That surprised Tony. "I thought you were living together? I had no idea, you were all so open to me."

"It's kind of complicated." Sky smiled. "I still have my own quarters I just spend a lot of my time staying with Xavier and Talsi. When they're ready for me to move in full time then I most probably will. I just don't want them to feel like they don't get any free time from me."

"I have no idea how you do it." Tony smiled then turned more serious. "Xavier will have some more sessions with me. I have some concerns and he agreed to it. I am only telling you as you are the chief counsellor."

Sky nodded. "I appreciate that Tony, if you'd like I can have you listed as a member of the Counselling department just to make it more official. Doesn't mean you'll need to spend a lot of time doing Counselling duties."

"I would appreciate that. And of course I will not interfere with your running of the department at all. Just know you can count on me if you need extra help. And i am always available for an informal chat."

Sky nodded. "That's going to be a great help, thanks Tony." she offered a smile. "To be honest I do need to talk to someone ... I mean I did talk to Diane ... Commander Doctrine, about my feelings, I know I should have sought out a member of the counselling team but I haven't."

"I totally understand that." Tony said. "When I was chief I chose video consultations as I did not want to talk to one of my staff. It felt strange to have them know about my insecurities."

"Exactly" Sky nodded. "Would you mind if I ... talked to you?" she offered an embarrassed smile.

"Of course not." Tony said with a reassuring smile. "You have a lot on your plate right now."

Sky nodded. "It's just I've been trying to convince myself that losing the baby was not my fault, both Xavier and Tal told me that carrying a Talsi's child would be difficult due to the genetic differences." She paused. "I still feel like I failed them."

Tony leaned forward. "Failed them or yourself?" She asked.

Sky paused. "I ..." she frowned. "more myself I guess. I promised them that I'd carry a baby for them, and I failed."

"I am still hearing all about them and not about you, Sky. How did it affect you to lose the baby. In here." she touched her own heart.

Sky paused. "It hurts, it hurts like hell." She hung her head as she fought back tears. "I want to be a mother! I've always wanted to be a mother."

Tony reached forward and took her hand. She squeezed and was silent giving Sky time to access her emotions fully.

Sky wiped away tears as they ran down her face, she'd held it in for so long she couldn't hold it in any longer.

"Let it all come out. It's alright." tony continued softly.

For the next few minutes Sky simply sat letting out her feelings, it was a good job she'd got a box of tissues nearby as she certainly needed them. As she finally started to feel better she dabbed her eyes and offered Tony an apologetic look. "I ... I'm sorry!"

"Don't you dare." Tony said with a smile. "You know just as well as I do that this is what you needed to do first. Let all those emotions out."

Sky nodded as she wiped away her tears. "I know, I've been bottling them for too long."

"And that festers." Tony knew she did not really have to tell the other woman. But often therapists were very good at helping others, not so good at helping themselves.

“You’re right it does” Sky nodded. “I’ve run things through my head so many times, every time it throws back a different answer. At least now I can start accepting what I can’t change.”

"That's right. But it won't take the pain away straight away. You have suffered a loss. How tiny it was it was your baby in your mind."

Sky nodded. “That’s true, my emotions have been all over the place the last few ... weeks.” She paused before getting up and going to a PADD she had on the side.

A little bemused Tony watched her.

“I’m overdue ...” She looked at Tony. “I’m three weeks overdue! Last time that happened I found out I was pregnant!” She looked a little like a deer startled by headlights.

"I can check you over if you like." Tony said. "I do have a medical degree."

Sky shook her head. "Thank you, but no. I'll speak to Xavier and see if he thinks I should see Rutherford. I just ... don't want to get my hopes up."

"Have you taken medical advice on this? With Tal's different genetic make-up it may be you guys need a little help from science."

"That's true, we probably do. No doubt I'll find out when I go to Sickbay." Sky offered a smile.

Tony smiled as well. "I guess you want to go now instead of talking to me some more. Let me know the result please and I would like to continue our chat."

Sky nodded. "I will, that's a promise!" she smiled warmly.

{OFF}