doubts

Posted on Mon Jan 6th, 2025 @ 5:52pm by Captain Xavier Carey & Commander Antonia 'Tony" Stoffels

Mission: Those who are left behind
Location: Captains ready room
Timeline: Current

As soon as she was cleared for duty again Toni made her way over to the captain's ready room. She felt like she had let him down horribly and she wanted to make sure he had not lost confidence in her. Hell she could not blame him if he had. So she hit the chime as her heart raced.

"Enter." Xavier replied as he went over the reports of the away team. Both his own, and that of the Commanders. When the door opened he gestured to the seat in front of him. "Please have a seat."

"Thank you, sir." Best to be formal under the circumstances. Toni wrung her hands a bit before speaking up. "Sorry for letting you down, sir."

"I don't know what you are talking about Commander." He replied placing the pad down.

"I was surprised by the enemy and that brought my team into danger. Maybe... maybe granddad is right after all."

"The only way you are letting me down, is by talking like that. You are a counsellor after all... what would you say if I started talking like that... if anyone started talking like that." Xavier replied. "You aren't the first one to be surprised by the enemy, the fact that you are alive, is more than some can say."

She smiled wanly. "I would say the same things you are saying. He gets under my skin sometimes and then this happened." She sighed. "It was scary though and my damned throat still hurts."

"It should scare you, what matters most right now, is to not give in to the temptation of running away. Trust me, I have had the same feelings."

"I won't be running anywhere. And I remember we talked about it in your therapy." Toni was feeling better now. "I never realised how easy it is to fall into the trap of doubting. I had doubt when I was starting out as a counsellor but not in the last couple of years as I knew what I was doing. I guess it is the same with command, it will take time."

Picking up a pad. "I have something else to think about, one of the Cardassian survivors is asking for Asylum..."

"Oh?" Toni started to change gears. "That doesn't happen often, does it?"

"Nor do these circumstances... hes one of the kids that my father wanted to kill. He's also one that asked for me to sent back to starfleet instead of a pow camp. I saved him, he saved me, now hes asking for asylum... I know nothing of his time after the last war."

From their many hours of therapy together she knew how hard this subject still was for him. "Xavier, how are you doing?" Toni asked softly.

"Some old wounds never heal..." He admitted. "I still havent mentioned it to Sky or to tal."

"If you need to schedule a session, I am available." She said. "And it is totally up to you if or when you tell them."

"It is something I should tell them... Should have told them."

"Don't rush now." Toni said. "This has to feel right for you."

"I know. I just don't know about the request. I can ask for someone to talk to him one on one..."

"Do you want me to do it?" Toni asked. "I have to make myself useful again."

"If you could. I dont want sky near him."

She nodded. "I can do that. Meanwhile if you want an official session, you know where to find me. Or if you want me to be there when you tell the rest of the family." Toni worried about him.

"I think Sky will be upset if I need someone there with me."

"It is up to you." Toni said. "Just know that I am here for you if you need me."

"I appreciate everything you do for me Commander, both personally and professionally." Xavier replied as he turned. "I will have the Gil report to your office if you wish... escorted obviously. Being a counsellor, I believe 1st Lt London will be of help."

"I will ask Kay to help me out." Toni said, getting to her feet. "I am glad we had this talk."

"Likewise Commander..." Xavier replied as he turned back to his work.